Snack Attack Blog Hop

Happy Saturday friends and happy almost New Year!! ! I’m so excited to be participating in my good friend Keisha’s “Snack Attack Blog Hop”! This is my first time to be participating in a blog hop and I think it’s going to be a lot of fun! Today I am hosting Alesea, you can find her blog at: www.aleasa.net  she shared the following:

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Puppy Chow (Snack Attack Blog Hop)

 

Well hey y’all! I’m Aleasa from the Happy Life blog and I’m joining Keisha in the Snack Attack Blog Hop! If you don’t mind, I’m going to take over Ashley’s blog and share my favorite snack recipe for the holidays: Puppy Chow! I was amazed when I moved to Florida how few people had tried this recipe before. I always thought it was pretty basic. I hope it is new to you, too! It comes together super fast, makes a big snack bowl, and is great for pretty much any event where snacking may occur.

 

(I grabbed this photo from Google, but this is “the Chow” in all its gloriousness)

 

All you need is:

½ c. smooth peanut butter

1 c. semi-sweet chocolate chips, or 6 oz. bakers (milk) chocolate

¼ c. butter

1 t. vanilla

2 c. powdered (confectioners’) sugar

9 c. Chex cereal, any variety

 

In a large bowl, measure out your cereal.

Microwave peanut butter, butter and chocolate for one minute then stir. Continue to microwave in 30 second increments, stirring in between, until the consistency is smooth. Stir in vanilla, adding a little more if you like it (I do!).

Pour the mixture over the cereal and toss gently using a spatula or large spoon until the cereal is well covered in chocolate/peanut butter deliciousness.  

You now have two options. The old school way is to grap a big paper bag, toss the powdered sugar in there and then dump the contents of the bowl; then you fold down the bag and shake gently until the cereal is coated with powdered sugar. This is also the most fun way. You can also use a large Ziplock bag and add the cereal a little bit at a time.

Serve warm, or spread on wax paper to cool and store in a Ziplock or a bowl with a tight fitting lid. I think it would keep a day or two… but we never keep it around long enough to find out!

 

I’m sure everyone will love your snack, and no one has to know how easy it was.

 

Tip: You can use ANY cereal that is otherwise unsweetened: bran squares, oat squares, rice chex or crispix.. be creative! This recipe also lends itself to dozens of personalizations. I read someone who sprinkles about a teaspoon of salt in with the powdered sugar for a sweet and salty treat. Another person says they add pretzel pieces before coating. You can also toss in some M&Ms if you have a super sweet tooth. Just have fun customizing it for your family – I know I did!

 

Thanks Ashley, for lending me your friends today!

 

Happy snacking and happy blog hopping!

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Remember to stop by my friend Keisha’s blog bigpittstop.blogspot.com, that’s where you’ll find my two favorite Dip Recipes. Until next time, happy snacking friends!

Ashley 

Throwback Thursday

I never have participated in a throwback or # trend but how about a throwback blog post!! 

When chance and I stared dating, 5 years ago! 

Little baby brother loves him a corn dog... This was about 5 years ago!! 

From a few years back! 

Other baby brother and I have matching hats!! 

Jail is not a nice place!! 

Happy wedding day!! 

Fun times this summer at the St. Louis zoo! 

I'm a body builder!!! Until I pop my muscles with a saftey pin!! 

Lazy days at home!!

Halloween fun!! 

And last but not least my bearded man with ice on his beard after the snow!! 

Hope you enjoyed the pictures!! 

Ashley

A new beginning...

As I sit here in my warm house, while the  snow is falling outside, I know that I am so blessed. But I still can't help that I feel sadness, a longing if you will, a void that seems to be missing in our lives. This was supposed to be the Christmas that we put a birth announcement on our Christmas cards, but for the second year in a row I didn't do Christmas cards. This was supposed to be the last Christmas of "just the two of us"... This was supposed to be the last year that we were a family of two, and there's still hope for that I know. As 2013 comes to a close and we look on to 2014 I can't wait to see what God has in store for us. 

Christmas is almost here and I had imagined this Christmas preparing for the spring arrival of our babies, but God had other plans, we're still not sure what those plans are just yet. 

2013 was a great year but at the same time it was a heart breaking, hard year. We came through it though, stronger and more grounded in our faith and in God than ever before. I don't know how I would have made it through this past year without my amazing husband, my awesome friends, and of course our Almighty God. I don't know how I'm still functioning on a daily basis but I know that my strength has to be coming from something greater than myself. My heart is still hurting but it's beginning to heal. 

Even though there were hard times this year we had good times too, we were able to do some inexpensive remodeling to the house.

 

We helped save more lives by raising more money for cancer research! 

We went on a mission trip to Pennsylvania, to put on a VBS!!

We had another great VBS at TOC!!

 

We conceived 2 babies who are now living in heaven with our Almighty Father. 

We helped to scare the pants off the kids at the scary hayride!! ;-) 

Chance and I celebrated 4 years of marriage!!

Even with all the heartache we had a great year. My best friend had her second daughter, my father in law is still cancer free, my pawpaw is still doing well living on dyalisis. We started our second year teaching the sr high class and one of our students accepted Jesus and was baptized, and one rededicated their life!! 

We are so incredibly blessed!! I'm so excited about 2014 and all that God has in store for us! Chance and I both have 10 year high school reunions in 2014. My dear friend Mandy will have her second child in early June. I'll be learning to take over as VBS director at church. We have a vacation planned to go back to Tennessee for our 5 year anniversary. And who knows maybe just maybe 2014 will be the year we become parents, it happened for Rachel, Hannah, Elisabeth, and Sarah it can happen for us too!! 

God bless all of you! Thank you for praying for us and helping us through this year! Here's to 2014 may it be a fantastic year for everyone! Merry Christmas friends and family, remember Jesus is the reason for this season. I'll leave you with some scripture from Luke 2: 

2:1-14 "And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Ceasar Augustus that all the world should taxed. (and this taxing was first made when Cyrenuis was governor of Syria) And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house of David) To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child. And so is was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. And she brought forth her first born son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn. And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And lo the angel of The Lord came upon them, and the glory of The Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ The Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, laying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men." 

Love, 

Ashley 

Holiday weekend

Ok this is my second time to type this post because the first one didn't post or save... Curse you technology!!! 

Our thanksgiving was good, I hope you all had a great thanksgiving as well. We started the "weekend" off at my dads Wednesday night, Denise made some chicken chili, it was great! I really lucked out because she had also made some peanut butter balls, my fave!!! 

After we left dads we headed to Memaw and Pawpaws, dogs in tow. Memaw told me how tired she was when we got there, so we didn't stay up too late. Thursday morning Chance got up early to watch the deer and I slept in, Memaw and pawpaw are used to getting up early for dyalisis so they were up at 4:30. When I finally got up at 8:30 Memaw was still in bed (she went back to bed after she made pawpaw breakfast) I made sure she was just sleeping, since it was not like her so still be in bed so late in the morning. When I saw that she was just sleeping I let her sleep some more. We (mom, Martha and I) started cooking, we started the turkey, made the dressing and prepped everything else! The meal was wonderful and Memaw didn't have to do a thing. After we ate and visited and Chance did some evening deer watching we headed home! 

It was time to meet the girls and head to Springfield for some shopping!! We go every year for Black Friday, we go for 2 days and get most of our Christmas shopping done, I got some pretty good deals and got in some much needed girl time! I'm so blessed to have them as friends! 

I'm home now, I kinda missed my hubby, ;-) he was very productive while I was gone. He worked Friday and today, and even cleaned the house. Oh and he shot a deer, his first buck I the season! So proud of my guy!! Below is a picture! 

Have a blessed week friends and as we enter this Christmas season remember Jesus is the real reason for the season! 

Ashley 

Give Thanks

Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever, his faithfulness continues through all generations. Psalm 100

This is what the message was on tonight at church.  We sang praises to The Lord and we went around the room and said what we were thankful for. Of course by the time the microphone got to me I'd been crying listening to everyone else's thankfulness and I was a blubbering mess, I'm not even sure what I said but this is what I meant to say: 

I'm thankful that our God is a forgiving God, I've spent the last couple of months being ungreatful and dwelling on one thing that we don't have and I've been totally ignoring everything we do have. We are so blessed, blessed beyond measure! I wake up every morning in a comfy bed, in my warm house, next to my amazing husband. I get up and take a hot shower, fix my hair and put on makeup, I choose what clothes out of my closet to wear and then I choose which shoes I have that will match. I have breakfast from food in my pantry, fridge, or freezer. I get into my car which starts right up and drive to my job. Then I come home again to my warm house, eat dinner with my amazing husband, go to bed and do it all over again. Yes I am blessed beyond measure. I'm so thankful for my husband, my family, my church family, my friends. I'm greatful and thankful that our church has welcomed us with open arms and accepted us. I'm so thankful that we've become so close, I'm thankful they've welcomed us into their lives and allowed us to be part of their children's lives. I'm thankful for our sr high class, they are all blessings to me, each and everyone of them. 

It seems like life gets the best of us sometimes, we have this function or that event, this thing or that. We forget to stop and really enjoy life and all that God has given to and blessed us with. This thanksgiving and Christmas I'm going to try to remember all the great things we have in our lives and try not to dwell on what we don't have, we will have them one day, God has promised us that. 

Have a wonderful thanksgiving friends, and try to remember and say aloud everything you are thankful for. 

Ashley 

Things not to say to your infertile friend

Number 1: "Don't worry it will happen one day." - Um no... Chances are it will not just happen one day, while we appreciate your optimism, this particular line does nothing to comfort or make us feel better. 

Number 2: "Just stop thinking about it, if you stress it won't happen." - As all my friends that struggle with fertility issues know, stress and "thinking" about it have nothing to do with conceiving in our case. 

Number 3: "Well try this... Or maybe you should try that." -Just fill in the blanks we've heard it all. No I'm sorry but that too will not work. When you've tried everything, including placing embroys in your uterus, it seems pretty hopeless. So while we appreciate your trying to help with advice and know you mean well please keep these comments to yourself. 

Number 4: "I understand"- I had a friend use this comparison, "it's like losing a parent, unless you've been there you have no idea what I'm going through"  while we do appreciate your sympathy and love that you want to comfort us,  unless you've actually gone through fertility issues, no you don't fully understand. 

Number 5: "Well I have a freind who knows a couple, who did IVF or adoption, and they got pregnant after that naturally"- Again we appreciate your optimism and enthusiasm that this too could be our story, chances are it will not. Don't get me wrong here I fully believe that God can and does work miracles, but this is not the norm. 

If you are one of the chosen ones that is able to carry a child within you remember this, your infertile friends would give their right arm to be in your position. So please don't complain about your pregnancy in front of them, don't point out things that you can or cannot do because you're pregnant. Chances are they already know all these things because if they're anything like me they spent a lot of time learning about pregnancy dos and don'ts, and what to expect when your expecting.

Just be mindful of what you say, be supportive, but also try to see it from our perspective. 

Ashely 

Back to Reality

Well I never realized how boring we are... It's 10:30 on a Friday night, Chance went to bed an hour ago and I'm up watching made for TV movies and fighting the urge to eat the ice cream that's in the freezer! We finally heard back from Sarah and she wants some further testing. We are still praying that God will show us the path we are supposed to take. The healing process is a tough one and it is certianly that... A process. 

We've been keeping busy with church activities, Chance and a bunch of the guys went on a 4 wheeling trip to white rock last weekend and I had a GNO (girls night out) Friday night, then Saturday night I planned a girls night in with some of our Wednesday night girls! We've started church league volleyball and our first games were Monday... Chance and I are on separate teams! Lol it's probably or the best! 

I've been working on Relay stuff as well, we've been planning a 5K and let me tell you it's hard work!! If you like to run come out to the Green Forest City Park on November 16th! 

We have such amazing friends and family and they've been super supportive. Thank you all for the prayers! 

Ashley 

Making progress

Church today was amazing, the entire service spoke to me. Brother Mitchell spoke about salvation and forgiveness. I was saved as a young girl and then I rededicated my life in my early 20s and since then I've had trials that tested my faith but nothing like I'm going through now. I went to the alter and asked God to forgive me for the anger I've been feeling, I think He knows that I am not mad at Him, I hope so anyway. I asked also for peace and comfort. 

I downloaded the Family Talk app which is DR James Dobson. The broadcast series I was listening to was called Hope for Hurting Hearts, the guest speaker was Pastor Greg Laurie. He spoke about loosing his son in a car accident, his son was active in the church and had a wife and young daughter. They quoted some scripture that really spoke to me. Matthew 5:4 says "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." I'm learning that it's ok to mourn, and it's ok to be angry Ephesians 4:26 "'In your anger do not sin' Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry". I'm giving it all to Him, I can't heal without His love and promises. His promise in Isaiah 42:2 says "When you pass through the waters I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." He has promised to "never leave me or forsake me" Deut. 31:6 and "he will give me the desires of my heart" Psalm 37:4. Hannah prayed to God to bless her with a child and he granted her the desires of her heart. "For this child I prayed and The Lord has granted me what I asked of him" 1 Samuel 1:27. I'm trusting and believing and putting all my faith in Him. 

I'm tired, I'm broken, and I'm beat down; but all those feelings come from the devil.  The divil is there trying to keep me down, trying to make me question my God and everything he is capable of. But I will not let him break me down anymore, I am a child of God and He is capable of great things, He has blessed me beyond measure and for that I am greatful. 

One of the students from our Wednesday night class came forward this morning, I'm ashamed to say that I'm not in a place spiritually that I felt I could pray with her... God is still working on me and I pray that soon I will get to that point again. 

Ashley 

Trying

Well is been almost 2 weeks since we received the devastating news that our IVF cycle failed, I am not pregnant and our babies didn't make it. The first week was ok... I think I was suppressing my feelings though because this past week has been pure hell. I've tried to keep my emotions in check while in the company of others and I think and hope I did a good job. My feelings and emotions this week included anger, sadness, pain, and back to anger. It's not fair. It sucks. I'm hurt. I'm angry. I'm trying to stay positive, I'm trying to believe in the promises of our Heavenly Father. I'm trying to see the bigger picture and I know that there is something great instore for us. But right now, at this moment in time, I'm mad. I want to know why, I want answers. But I also want to be faithful and believe the promises of His word. I'm trying, with every fiber of my being, I'm trying. I'm trying to stay strong for my husband who I know is hurting just as much as I am, I'm trying to keep my faith even though all I want to do is eat a gallon of ice cream and go to bed for a week. But I won't eat a gallon of ice cream and I've got too many responsibilities to go to bed for a week. I've mourned losses before but nothing like this. I don't know how to mourn this loss. The moment we were told we had 3 embroys I envisioned three little ones running through our house... We mourned the loss of one of those after we went to LR for the transfer. But we left that day with 2 embroys in my womb, and I envisioned 2 babies running through the house. I envisioned 2 car seats, and 2 stockings at Christmas. I envisioned baby Sunday at church, one baby held by Chance one by me. We had names picked out, as well as furniture and bedding. I'd ordered some stuff online and when it gets here I know I'll loose it again. I was cleaning off the coffee table yesterday and I found the embryo dish that they gave us after the transfer, I cried for 15 minutes. It's hard, I'm still holding out hope for our Christmas cards this year, this will be the second year that I wanted to do this and I'm praying that we get to. Please continue to pray for us friends, I'm struggling but I'm not giving up hope, I'm still trying, my head is still above the water, I'm tired... But I'm still trying to believe. 

Ashley

Negative

Negative…   

That was the word that we received on Monday, my 27^th birthday. Negative… I knew all to well how much that word packed a punch but Monday it was like it drove a stake right through my heart. Devastation, unbelief, hurt, sadness, anger, fear; all of these emotions flooded my mind and my heart, and the worst part was my husband was feeling the same emotions. Our hearts were broken. Our hearts are broken. We don’t know how we will proceed from here; we are awaiting word from Sarah as to what our options are. I don’t really have a whole lot to say about it right now. Losing the one embryo in the very beginning was hard enough and finding out that the two we transferred didn’t survive and implant is devastating to say the least. I want to share with you a quote from Joel Osteen; it is from their daily emails “Today’s Word with Joel and Victoria”.

Sometimes in life, you’ve got to play in pain. In other words, you’ve got to keep going even when you don’t feel like it. You have to keep pressing forward even when it’s not easy. Every voice will tell you, “You’re done. There’s nothing good in your future.” No, don’t believe those lies. God sees your effort. It’s one thing to do the right thing and make good decisions when everything is going your way. That’s great. God honors that. But when times are tough and nothing is going your way, when you’re hurting, when you should be on the sidelines nursing your wound but instead you’re still in the game; you’re still getting to work on time; you’re still being good to someone, you’re still expecting God to turn it around, that gets God’s attention in a new way.

I believe God has a greater reward for people who are faithful in the tough times. If that’s you today, know that God has His hand on you. He’s walking with you through the valley. He’s preparing streams in the dessert. He’s leading and guiding you in paths of righteousness for His name sake. Keep praising. Keep believing. Keep moving forward knowing that God is with you, and His comfort will guide you to the place of blessing.

 

Monday night we went to dinner with my dad, stepmom, Joshua, and Creed then came home and cried. Tuesday we got up and went to work, although I don’t think much work got done, and I only cried a few times. Wednesday we got up again and went to work, then to church and we taught our teens about “dating relationships” and what the bible says about them, and I only cried once. Today we got up and we went to work. We will do the same tomorrow, and every day after that, God willing, we will get up, we will get past this and we will move forward. It is very difficult but I know that is what God wants us to do. He has a plan for us we just don’t know what it is quite yet, but whatever it is it will be awesome, and we will look back on this and say “oh I see now why we had to go through that”. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that he is in control and his promise is to prosper us and not harm us. Hug your babies tonight friends, Jesus is hugging my babies and someday I’ll get to meet them. I want to tell you all how much we appreciate your prayers, calls, and texts; it helps more than you know. 

 

Love,

Ashley and Chance

What's been happening...

Well my apologies for not posting a detailed update sooner but yesterday was the first day since the egg retrieval that I actually felt like a normal person... 

So here is a run down of the past week: Monday the 2nd we were in LR for the retrieval we arrived at 8:30 and I was given an IV and put under anesthesia and  about 45 minutes later I woke up!! They retrieved 16 eggs and out of those 11 were mature enough to be fertilized, out of the 11, three of them actually fertilized!! We we're so happy to hear this news! We headed home from LR and stopped in Conway for lunch, I'd only had a few pretzels after I came out of the anesthesia and I was starving, we stopped at McAlester's for lunch and I took half a pain pill to ease the ride home. We chatted a little on the way home and I dosed on and off a little. I'm not sure where I fell asleep but I remember I woke up as we were leaving Marshall, I remember they had stripped the road and it was so rough! I told Chance that I needed to go to the bathroom and to stop at the next station which was St Joe. We came up the mountain and my pain was getting worse, I was starting to feel nauseous and was getting dizzy. At the top of the mountain between Marshall and St Joe, right by the canoe rental place, just up from the smoke house, I made Chance pull over. I thought I was going to get out of the truck and puke... I remember getting out of the truck and leaning on the door the next thing I know Chance was standing over me yelling my name and slapping me (ever so gently) in the face. After I came to (as we were racing down the highway, going to find a hospital) and realized where I was and was was happening and started feeling better again, so I told him not to find a hospital but to stop at the next station. So we stopped in St Joe, went to the bathroom, got some water and cheese-it's and I contacted Sarah to see what might have caused my episode. She said, and the DR confirmed, that it was likely a sudden drop in blood pressure from all the medication. I felt terrible for scaring Chance like that... I apologized I think like 150 times on the way home! But all has been well since, I worked half a day Tuesday and then I worked Wednesday, it was much more painful than what they led on! 

We went back to LR on Thursday for a Day 3 transfer, Chance's parents went with us (Chance's dad offered to drive us home) we left about 6 am and got there about 9:45, we stopped for breakfast and to pee once! When we got there we were told that one embryo (which was 4 cells on day 2) had divided into 8 cells overnight, one embryo (which was 1 cell on day 2) split overnight and was now 2 cells, the third embryo was still sitting at one cell and had not divided. We were told that if it didn't divide it would have to be discarded because it wasn't developing. This was really hard news to hear... I remember Chance and I sitting in silence for a few minutes just processing the news, I cried a little and we prayed together thanking God for the two miracles we had, and to be with the slow developer after we had left. On the way home we stopped in Conway at Buffalo Wild Wings for lunch, I love that place, they have the best boneless wings EVER!! Just sayin! We then stopped for ice cream at Baskin Robbins and I finally did something that I always wanted to try since my last name became Robbins... I asked for a discount!! It didn't work of course but it was fun none the less! Chance actually thought I wouldn't do it but I showed him... Actually he kinda dared me and I couldn't let him win!! Haha! Then we stopped in Leslie for some peaches (which were FANTASTIC by the way). Then we stopped at the smokehouse (across the road from where I passed out) and Lonnie bought bacon and ham, that place smelled AMAZING!! Then we headed home, I think I fell asleep somewhere between St Joe and Harrison, I woke up as we were leaving Green Forest and I had never been more happy to see my bed, it was 4:00 and I took a nap! I also took a nap on Saturday and Sunday! Naps are awesome! 

I finally received word this morning that our 3rd embryo never divided. We are heartbroken but at the same time so grateful for the 2 miracle babies I've got growing inside me!! Yes I said 2... we transferred our 2 embryos and they've been dividing and growing and attaching ever since last Thursday!! We are praying and believing and thanking God for everything he has done for us and given to us through this process! Thank you all for your prayers! I truly appreciate all your kind words, thoughts, phone calls and texts! The love you've shown us through this journey is amazing! Please keep the prayers coming, I'm still having some pain in my right rib cage area, not sure what's causing it and I've called the LR clinic to see of they have any insight, the nurse called me and recorded all my symptoms  but I never heard back from her with what the DR thought. We're less than a week away from my birthday 6 days to be exact and that means we are 6 days from the blood pregnancy test!! 

Here are a couple of pictures to leave you with, the first one is our babies (embryos) the second is where they slept before being put into my womb!! Have a wonderful blessed week my friends, We love you all! 

Chance and Ashley 

Quick update

The transfer was today and all went well. We will go in on the 16th for a blood pregnancy test... Please continue to pray for our babies and for Chance and I. I will post a more detailed update soon. Thank you all for your prayers, calls, and texts!! Love you all!!

Chance and Ashley

Encouragement

This morning as I was praying these two verses came to my mind and they comforted me so I wanted to share.

"For this child I prayed; and the Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of him.” 1 Samuel 27. 

For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

I was listening to the Casting Crowns song this morning Come to the Well, I love this song because it talks about one of my favorite stories in the bible. In the song Mark Hall sings these lyrics:

Leave it all behind, 

Leave it all behind, 

Leave it all behind, 

Leave it all behind, 

I have what you need, 

But you keep on searchin, 

I've done all the work, 

But you keep on workin, 

When you're runnin on empty, 

And you can't find the remedy, 

Just come to the well.

You can spend your whole life, 

Chasin what's missing, 

But that empty inside, 

It just ain't gonna listen.

When nothing can satisfy, 

And the world leaves you high and dry, 

Just come to the well

[CHORUS:]

And all who thirst will thirst no more, 

And all who search will find what their souls long for, 

The world will try, but it can never fill, 

So leave it all behind, and come to the well

So bring me your heart

No matter how broken, 

Just come as you are, 

When your last prayer is spoken, 

Just rest in my arms a while, 

You'll feel the change my child, 

When you come to the well

[CHORUS:]

And all who thirst will thirst no more, 

And all who search will find what their souls long for, 

The world will try, but it can never fill, 

So leave it all behind, and come to the well

Yeah

Leave it all behind

The world will try, but it can never fill... leave it all behind

And now that you're full, 

Of love beyond measure, 

Your joy's gonna flow, 

Like a stream in the desert, 

Soon all the world will see that living water is found in me, 

Cuz you came to the well

[CHORUS:]

And all who thirst will thirst no more, 

And all who search will find what their souls long for, 

The world will try, but it can never fill, 

So leave it all behind, and come to the well

I love this song because He is all we need and we must trust in Him. When we come to the well we have all we ever need in Christ if we'll just accept Him and live our lives for Him and not this world. 

Have a blessed day friends, thank you for the prayers. 

Ashley  

Little Rock Bound!

Well we are headed to Little Rock for the retrieval!! After 1 full week of injections I was so glad to see the email from Sarah that said to take the last of them!! 

Saturday morning I got up at 5:45,got ready and drove to Willow Creek for an US and blood work. I saw DR Gorman, he was really nice and funny. I told him what DR Duke had said about my Easter baskets being full and he laughed, then he told me that it looked like I'd have a "bountiful harvest". After he measured and counted all my eggs he told me to have a good day and asked if I knew my way out I said "yes just down the stairs" he replied "actually you can take the elevator down, I recommend that given your current ovarian state". HA! It made me laugh, he was very nice and you could tell he enjoys his job and has a heart for helping people! 

So I'm writing this post from the truck while Chance drives! Thank you all for the prayers and positive thoughts! I will try to update tomorrow but it will more than likely be Tuesday as I will be put under anesthesia tomorrow morning and there is no telling what the post might say! Ha! 

Chance and Ashley 

"My Easter Baskets are Full"

This was the comment made by the DR on Thursday! I must say I've never heard that before, that is a good thing though. I got to meet DR Duke, he was very nice. My estrogen levels more than doubled from Tuesday to Thursday from 600 to 1500, so Sarah dropped my dose if the meds down again. 

I'm sorry I didn't post Thursday, we were rather busy with the appointment, yard sale, relay meeting, and work! I went back to the hospital today for another US and blood work. I got an email from Sarah after she saw the US results and we will either have a Monday retrieval or Tuesday retrieval. I'm "patiently" waiting to hear back from Sarah on the results from the blood work. 

Patiently waiting...

Ashley 

Injection update

Well our meds arrived about 11:30 Saturday night. The very nice courier was worried that he rang the wrong doorbell,I assured him he didn't, and signed for the meds! Anyway we started the meds Saturday night, Chance gave me my shot in the parking lot of Walgreens!! Ha! It was funny! Today I went to Willow Creek for blood work. The lab opens at 8am so I decided to stay at Memaw and Pawpaws house Monday night so I didn't have to leave home as early. Mom and I got there about 8:15 and I headed straight in to the lab, the lady gave me my work order sheet and sent me out to admissions... I finally was called back to the admissions window at 9:25... I was hoping to be back to work at 10:30 or 11:00 but no they took forever. When I finally got back to the lab it took her less than 5 minutes to draw my blood. On the way home I heard the song by Sawyer Brown They Don't Understand, I wanted to link the video into this post but I'm not quite sure how to do that yet. The song starts out about a mother riding on a bus and her kids are misbehaving, another passenger asks her why she doesn't make them mind and she says "please forgive them for they've been up all night... their father passed away in the middle of the night, so please forgive my children, they don't understand". It goes on to end with the verse about Jesus on the cross and asking the Father to "please forgive Your children, they dint understand" The song really makes you think... You don't know what a person is going through in their life and when your mad about something, or irritated because you're in a hurry and someone is not working at your pace, they might be struggling with something or maybe someone called in sick and they're having to do all the work for 2 people all by themselves. I felt kinda bad that I wasn't as nice to the lady as I could have been. I need help remembering that even though I'm going though something stressful, they could be going through something equally as stressful. Why make it harder on someone just because something didn't go your way, I struggle with this daily, it's something I continuously pray about and seek Gods guidance for. 

Ok so that was my profound moment for the day. When I got home I had an email from Sarah and she had the results from my blood work. Apparently I'm really good at making estrogen! She cut back my dose from 300 units to 225 and we will start an additional medication tomorrow night! It's all happening so fast! We are getting closer to our date and we're getting excited! I'm feeling fine, I don't feel any different from the meds so that's good! Thursday I'll go back for more labs and an ultra sound, Thursday is also the first day of our yard sale!! So come and buy some of our stuff! ;-) 

Until next time friends! Have a blessed evening! 

Ashley

Impromptu trip to the Hospital!

No worries I'm fine and so is Chance, he's a lot more irritated than I am but here's the reason for our evening trip to Willow Creek...  

I started this morning off on an emotional roller coaster... Up and down and up and down! Lets start from the beginning... Thursday the pharmacy called me to confirm everything; (side note: the medication I will be taking is from a pharmacy in Massachusetts they receive the order from my doctor, then call me for payment and shipping info, then they ship it.) So she called and confirmed everything and told me that I'd need to be home Saturday from 8-4 to sign for the package. Ok no problem I've got no big plans for Saturday so no biggie. So I get an email last night from the pharmacy at 9:04 saying that my order was shipped and gave me the tracking #, so I clicked the link and it took me to the Fed-Ex website where it said that my package was set to arrive Monday before 8pm... That to me was a little unsettling but it was too late to do anything about it last night. I waited til they opened this morning to call them, 9:00 our time to be exact, and I spoke to Andrew, let me just say that I was pleasantly surprised at the level of customer service I received from this company. Andrew promptly looked into the issue and came back with the conclusion that the shipment was sent standard overnight instead of priority overnight which allows for Saturday deliveries. So the website was correct and my medication would not be arriving until Monday sometime. Andrew then proceeded to start rectifying the situation he sent an email to their concierge department and explained to me that they will track down the medication I need and will figure out how to get it to me. He apologized again and we hung up. Not 30 minutes later I get a call from Sue in the concierge department and she has searched all over Arkansas and even into Missouri and no one has the medication I need. At this point I'm getting upset (I've already cried a few times and my pile of Kleenex was getting larger) she then told me of another option but she would have to check with her supervisor before she could offer me the option. So she called back about 20 minutes later and tells me they are shipping it same day which means it will arrive tonight around midnight. They were super helpful and I appreciate them for that. 

I emailed Sarah to ask her how we should proceed since the medication will now be a day later than we have planned, any of you that have gone through fertility treatments knows the importance of timing, it has to be just right or the entire cycle can be ruined, well she came back with a solution. Which brings us to present time... We're in the truck, driving to Willow Creek, Chance is driving... We are headed to pick up a sample of the medication I will need the next two days. Just incase the Fed-Ex plane crashes or the truck burst into flames (Sarah's words not mine) haha! So we will be set until Monday (or tonight) when the rest of the meds will arrive! 

I'm treating this as kind of a "date night" we'll go to the hospital, Chance will give me a shot in the bathroom, then we'll grab some dinner, Olive Gardenhas their   never ending pasta bowl, and see what Academy has on sale! It'll be a fabulous evening! Although I don't think that Chance shares in my enthusiasm! Oh well I've always been more of an optimist than a pessimist and that's probably why we fight, I mean mesh so well! ;-) 

Well thanks for reading have a Blessed weekend friends! 

Ashley

4 days!!!

We start the injections Saturday!! I had my appointment with Sarah today, she did the mock transfer, ultrasound, and they took some blood. Just like during the HSG test she too had problems getting through my cervix. She told me today that it wouldn't be a big deal on transfer day they would make a small stitch while I'm sedated on retrieval day to straighten out the curve. If everything goes as scheduled we will do the retrieval on Labor Day and the transfer the 7th!! It's all happening so fast it seems like, it's so exciting!! I'm getting anxious and nervous. I know you all are praying for us and I want to thank you for the prayers! 

On a side note a friend gave us a pack-n-play which is a huge blessing because now we don't have to buy one! Our yard sale stuff is coming together, I'm going to try to price some things and dig more things out of the closets and attic and shed and garage... I'm so thankful too that some people are giving us things to sell, since we are using the funds from the sale to recoup some of the costs of the IVF. The garage sale will be the 29-31 of August! So come by and buy our stuff! 

That's pretty much all that's happening with us, until next time God Bless you friends! 

Chance & Ashley

My thoughts

I've always been a defensive person... not because I've done anything wrong, although I'm sure I have at times, but I've always been ready to defend my thoughts, beliefs, or actions. Usually I'll come up with all the witty, profound words of wisdom in my mind and play out just how I will deliver them but most of the time the time they're not used, saved back into my mind for another day and another "opposition". Most of the scenarios I play out in my mind are just that, scenarios. Usually the person doesn't have the reaction that I imagine them having, which is good because that means that I don't have to resort to pleading my case as to why I'm right and their wrong. Since we prayerfully made the decision to pursue IVF treatment I've had my closing arguments prepared... For any of those negative thinkers and Sayers, I've been ready. I've had to answer a few questions for people that were genuinely curious about the process but for the most part everyone we've told has been so supportive. 

So now on to my title... 'My thoughts on ART and IVF'. First of all I want to give you the definition of ART- Assisted Reproductive Technology, this includes all fertility treatments in which eggs and sperm are handled, ART procedures involve surgically removing eggs from a woman's ovaries, combining them with sperm in the laboratory, and returning them to the woman's body or donating them to another woman. ART has been used in the United States since 1981 to help women become pregnant most commonly through In Vitro Fertilization or IVF. Here are some statics on the chances of getting pregnant the "natural" way or using ART...

* There is a 15-20% chance of becoming pregnant in each ovulatory cycle. But everything needs to be right, you should have no medical issues and his sperm count should be normal

* Approximately 40% of couples trying to conceive (TTC) will conceive within the first three months of trying, and about 70% of couples TTC will conceive within the first six months

* Up to 85% of of couples will conceive within the first year of TTC, although your ability to conceive in any given cycle falls after age 30

* 1 in 7 couples in the US are affected by fertility issues

According to CDC’s 2011 preliminary ART Fertility Clinic Success Rates Report, 163,038* ART cycles were performed at 451 reporting clinics in the United States during 2011, resulting in 47,849 live births (deliveries of one or more living infants) and 61,610 live born infants. Although the use of ART is still relatively rare as compared to the potential demand, its use has doubled over the past decade. Today, over 1% of all infants born in the United States every year are conceived using ART.

(The above information I copied from the CDC's website)

Now I'm a firm believer that God gave man the mind to make these amazing medical advances and that for couples who are unable to have children the "natural" way this makes it a possibly to fulfill the natural given desire for children. One thing that I get asked quite frequently when I'm talking about IVF and what we are doing is "do you get to pick the sex of the baby?" The answer to that is no. Even though if you want to you can pay an extra $5,000 to do that it's not something we're interested in... To me that is manipulating the process and I don't want any part of that. The process is called PGD (Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis) when it was first introduced in 1989 it was used to help couples with serious genetic disorders reduce the risk of their children having the same condition. Today it is still used for this reason, but is also used to screen embryos with normal chromosomes in women 35 or older with a history of miscarriage, some clinics offer this procedure for non medical reasons such as sex selection or "gender balancing". Most clinics do not offer this procedure solely for sex selection, you must have a medical reason or be of a certain age and have a history of miscarriage. Some centers do offer it though with certain qualifications, as in you must be married and have at least one child of the opposite gender. 

The problem with IVF is that it gets a bad reputation for "playing God" as in you are creating something that God intended to be a "natural" process. I hate that word "natural" it's so irritating, just because my husband and I can't conceive the "natural" way why can't we use the God given talents of others to make the dream of our family come true? I say we can! We're not trying to select our children based on weather it's a boy or a girl, and we are praying everyday that God will give us the number of embryos that we are supposed to have. We will give each one a chance at life since God sent them to us through this amazing process.

So there you have it... my thoughts on IVF!! We are so thrilled that we are about to start the next chapter in our lives, we are equally as thrilled to share our journey with all of you! Keep the prayers coming we are less than a week away from starting the injectable meds. 

Ashley

Waiting!

Well here we are, about 2 weeks away from the start of the hormone injections!!! Wow I still can't believe it... I'm ready to start but at the same time I'm nervous, I don't want to turn into a monster or a witch but I'm afraid that's going to happen. I asked Chance if he would still love me when I was a crazy, hormonal, irrational woman... His response was "no but I'll act like I do!" That's all I'm asking for babe! Of course he was kidding but I still found it comical! While we wait for the 24th to come we've pretty much just been doing normal everyday things. We go to work and come home, with all the rain our garden has exploded with tomatoes and green beans, I might have to try my hand at canning this year! 

We've had a few church things and we've spent some much needed time with friends, we even babysat for a few hours last night, that was FUN!! I had breakfast with two of my favorite girlfriends this morning, we have been friends for over 8 years now and even though we don't see each other often we pick up right where we left off! Our lives are pretty normal and we like it that way. We're gearing up for our Wednesday night ministry with our SR high youth class and this years lesson is called God Speaks on Big Issues, will be fun and challenging for both us as teachers and the students. I'm really looking forward to it, I think it will grow me as a Christian and Chance as well. 

I want to share a book I'm reading written by Mark Hall from Casting Crowns, it's called The Well, it focuses on the the scripture of the woman at the well and so far it's really good. I always loved that story, the fact that the woman was talking to the messiah and didn't even know... The fact that Jesus knew everything about her already, I think we as Christians, or me at least, try to hide things from God thinking that he can't see, we, or I, seem to forget too often that he is all knowing and is there even when no one else is. I love the fact that He is always there. Whenever I need Him, He is there. I've needed Him a lot these last few years and He has been a huge comfort. I'm tying to remember to always rely on Him and trust Him it's always easier said than done. I know that the devil tries to waiver our faith and that we must stand strong in the word, this world makes that hard. We get distracted and if we're not careful we can lose sight of what's really important. I'm hoping and praying that through this journey I don't lose sight of what really matters, I pray that this journey helps me draw closer to God and really become the woman and mother he would have me to be. As I read this book I will share with you what it teaches me and what it reveals to me. I'm looking forward to finding the true "Well" and letting it shape my life Gods in way. 

Ashley

Here is a photo of our tomato crop... This is 2 days worth! 

Calendar

Well we sat down with Sarah (the APN from LR) and wrote out our IVF calendar! If all goes as planned we are looking at a September 7th transfer date!!! WOW it's getting real! I can't believe we are a month away from transfer, it's crazy! So for those that are wondering the process here is how it works: currently I am taking birth control to supress my cycle and keep me from ovulating, I will take this up until the 20th. Today Chance and I both did labs (blood draw). On the 20th I will go in for more blood draw, exam, ultra sound (US), and mock transfer. Then the 23rd or 24th we will begin the injectable hormones I will take these for about 10 days and have 3 labs and 2 US during those 10 days. Once my eggs reach maturity I will take 1 injection of HCG and 34 hours later we will head to LR for the extraction, I will be asleep for that procedure, thank goodness! Before we leave LR we will know how many good eggs we have,then they will inject the sperm into my eggs using a method called ICSI. We will know by day 3 how many embryos have developed and on day 5 we will pick the healthiest looking embryo and do the transfer, this should happen around September 7th! The first date that we can get a positive beta test is September 16th, my birthday, what an amazing birthday present that could be! Now we wait we sit back and pray and wait until it is time!!! It's getting really exciting!! We are praying and believing for a smooth process, we are praying and believing for only the number of embryos that God intends for us to have, we are praying and believing for a successful transfer, we are praying and believing for a healthy pregnancy, and we are praying and believing for a healthy delivery and a healthy baby next May/June! Pray and believe with us friends and family, and please keep your negative thoughts and comments to yourself.


Chance & Ashley

Feelings...

I'm asking today for prayers, I've been having feelings of resentment and anger and I need Gods help to squish those feelings. I don't want to use my blog for griping or complaining, and this post might seem like I'm doing both but that is not my intention... I'm just writing down my feelings. I feel like people who haven't struggled with fertility issues don't understand how amazing the miracle of life is. I wish that some were more understanding of what we are going through, ask us how it's going, or how we're doing. Chance and I have told most of our close friends and family about the journey we've embarked on and for the most part we are fully supported. I've really developed a great relationship with a friend that has gone through the same process, we've laughed together and cried together and she has been an awesome support since we found out about our infertility and for that I am so grateful. I think what I'm struggling with most is the feeling that some of my friends and family don't seem to care, and I know that's not the case but that's how I feel... I feel like those that already have kids don't understand the heartache and disappointment that we've experienced, I'm sure they understand the desire to have children but they don't understand the rest. The resentment that I'm feeling stems from the fact that most people can have sex once and get pregnant, some people don't have to "try" or even "track" their cycles. Babies are expensive anyway, I've read that it takes $10,000 to $15,000 for baby's first year of life but when you add up the costs of IVF fertility treatments that number doubles. People take for granted the fact that they don't have to have treatments to have a baby and that makes me angry! For those of you reading this that haven't struggled with fertility issues please do me this one favor, think before you speak... Comments like "well of course we got pregnant right away, we prayed for it" or "it will happen, just stop thinking about it" or the worst of them all "maybe your not meant to be a mom"... Comments like that hurt, they cut to the core, they cause your heart to break and a heart can only take so much. But please also ask your friends, if you have friends who are struggling, ask them how they're doing ask them if there is anything you can do. Maybe all they need is to know that you are thinking of them, that you haven't forgotten them and the fact that they are going through something emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually exhausting. Let them know that you're still there, maybe they need to talk, or maybe they need a hug, or maybe they'd like a piece of chocolate! Don't just call them up and pretend nothing is going on, shoot the breeze and act like its just another day. Remember everyday is a constant battle of emotions, and doesn't help that you're on hormones that make you cry for NO reason at all! So pray for me, pray that I can keep my emotions in check, that I can squish the resentment and anger feelings, pray for Chance too we both need it. God bless all of you reading this and thank you. Sorry if this sounded like a gripe-fest it wasn't my intention.

Ashley

Uncomfortable

Fair warning this post probably contains too much info.... But I did it... I passed the HSG test!!! Go me! For those of you that are wondering it is the x-ray dye test to make sure my faliopan tubes are clear and nothing is blocking them, and I passed!! I'm just going to be perfectly honest... It sucked! It wasn't the fact that is was super painful, don't get me wrong it hurt, but it wasn't the worst pain I've ever experienced. The worst part was that they couldn't get through to shoot the dye. What I was told would be a 15 min procedure took 45 minutes, but they finally were able to get it. It was emotionally, physically, and mentally exausting. I kept trying to think of other things, the staff was super nice and the dr that they brought in was great. I was really glad when he was able to tell me the results and that the 45 minutes laying on the table was worth it because the results were good! I was only given 24 hour notice about the test I found out Thursday at 1:30 that I needed to be at the hospital at 1:30 Friday. I think in a way that was good because I didn't have time to phsyc myself up for it! Memaw went with me and sat in the waiting room, I was grateful that she went because it was nice to know that someone was there waiting for me. Chance would have gone but he had to work. After the appointment I hauled it back to Berryville and Chance and I hurried up to Branson for our youth leaders retreat. We planned out the next year in our youth ministry, it was a productive and awesome weekend. We have the best friends we could ever ask for and I'm so thankful and greatful that God has placed them in our lives. I'm telling you God knows what he's doing and the fact that we have these people to help us though this process is proof!

I've been on the birth control for 4 days now and I haven't noticed a huge change in my mood... Hopefully it will stay that way! We're looking at about 3 weeks on the birth control then we'll attend the IVF class with the nurse and start the injectable hormones. Hopefully I'll get some more info on a timeline... You know me, I'm a planner!!

Church League Ragball

Tonight the awesome TOC team won both their games! They're doing pretty great this season only losing one game so far!! Last night was a pretty dirty night as in it FINALLY rained in Carroll County and the field was Muddy!! We played Kings River and Bethel last night and I'm pretty sure Bethel only showed up to play in the mud, they looked like they had a great time and went home covered in mud head to toe! Tonight was a little more dry but there was still a pretty big puddle between 3rd and home. Tonight wasn't without excitement though, John hit 2 home runs for the TOC team and Henry from Southern Heights got hit in the head with the ball... There were a few injuries but I think everyone was able to walk home. We were all fairly surprised when the game wasn't called due to lightning even though the skies were dark and lightning was all around us!

As we were all running for our vehicles after the game was over to prevent getting wet I got an email... It was from the APN from Little Rock apparently she's been sick and has been gone, she asked some questions about my cycle, and TMI, but I'm on day 4 and we have to start the birth control pills on day 2-5 of my cycle... It might be too late for this month but if so we'll just wait til next month. We know that God has a plan and whatever that plan is it will be great! It seems that everything is coming together. 

In other news I'm planning a yard sale the last weekend of August, we're using this as a fundraiser for our "baby fund". Memaw has given us stuff and I think Cindy will be bringing things to put in it. Hopefully we can make a good amount to help cover some of the extra expenses we will have. Sometimes I still find myself feeling angry at the fact that we have to go though this process, that we aren't able to do the one thing that God intended us to do naturally. But I believe that God gave man wisdom to make medical advances and that this is a way for us to be able to have our own children. We are so excited about starting this new chapter in our lives and we are so blessed to have this option. Please keep us in your prayers as we continue to pray and seek God's guidance. Good night all! 

Ashley