That was the word that we received on Monday, my 27th birthday. Negative… I knew all to well how much that word packed a punch but Monday it was like it drove a stake right through my heart. Devastation, unbelief, hurt, sadness, anger, fear; all of these emotions flooded my mind and my heart, and the worst part was my husband was feeling the same emotions. Our hearts were broken. Our hearts are broken. We don’t know how we will proceed from here; we are awaiting word from Sarah as to what our options are. I don’t really have a whole lot to say about it right now. Losing the one embryo in the very beginning was hard enough and finding out that the two we transferred didn’t survive and implant is devastating to say the least. I want to share with you a quote from Joel Osteen; it is from their daily emails “Today’s Word with Joel and Victoria”.
Sometimes in life, you’ve got to play in pain. In other words, you’ve got to keep going even when you don’t feel like it. You have to keep pressing forward even when it’s not easy. Every voice will tell you, “You’re done. There’s nothing good in your future.” No, don’t believe those lies. God sees your effort. It’s one thing to do the right thing and make good decisions when everything is going your way. That’s great. God honors that. But when times are tough and nothing is going your way, when you’re hurting, when you should be on the sidelines nursing your wound but instead you’re still in the game; you’re still getting to work on time; you’re still being good to someone, you’re still expecting God to turn it around, that gets God’s attention in a new way.
I believe God has a greater reward for people who are faithful in the tough times. If that’s you today, know that God has His hand on you. He’s walking with you through the valley. He’s preparing streams in the dessert. He’s leading and guiding you in paths of righteousness for His name sake. Keep praising. Keep believing. Keep moving forward knowing that God is with you, and His comfort will guide you to the place of blessing.
Monday night we went to dinner with my dad, stepmom, Joshua, and Creed then came home and cried. Tuesday we got up and went to work, although I don’t think much work got done, and I only cried a few times. Wednesday we got up again and went to work, then to church and we taught our teens about “dating relationships” and what the bible says about them, and I only cried once. Today we got up and we went to work. We will do the same tomorrow, and every day after that, God willing, we will get up, we will get past this and we will move forward. It is very difficult but I know that is what God wants us to do. He has a plan for us we just don’t know what it is quite yet, but whatever it is it will be awesome, and we will look back on this and say “oh I see now why we had to go through that”. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that he is in control and his promise is to prosper us and not harm us. Hug your babies tonight friends, Jesus is hugging my babies and someday I’ll get to meet them. I want to tell you all how much we appreciate your prayers, calls, and texts; it helps more than you know.
Ashley and Chance