Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Things not to say to your infertile friend

Number 1: "Don't worry it will happen one day." - Um no... Chances are it will not just happen one day, while we appreciate your optimism, this particular line does nothing to comfort or make us feel better. 

Number 2: "Just stop thinking about it, if you stress it won't happen." - As all my friends that struggle with fertility issues know, stress and "thinking" about it have nothing to do with conceiving in our case. 

Number 3: "Well try this... Or maybe you should try that." -Just fill in the blanks we've heard it all. No I'm sorry but that too will not work. When you've tried everything, including placing embroys in your uterus, it seems pretty hopeless. So while we appreciate your trying to help with advice and know you mean well please keep these comments to yourself. 

Number 4: "I understand"- I had a friend use this comparison, "it's like losing a parent, unless you've been there you have no idea what I'm going through"  while we do appreciate your sympathy and love that you want to comfort us,  unless you've actually gone through fertility issues, no you don't fully understand. 

Number 5: "Well I have a freind who knows a couple, who did IVF or adoption, and they got pregnant after that naturally"- Again we appreciate your optimism and enthusiasm that this too could be our story, chances are it will not. Don't get me wrong here I fully believe that God can and does work miracles, but this is not the norm. 

If you are one of the chosen ones that is able to carry a child within you remember this, your infertile friends would give their right arm to be in your position. So please don't complain about your pregnancy in front of them, don't point out things that you can or cannot do because you're pregnant. Chances are they already know all these things because if they're anything like me they spent a lot of time learning about pregnancy dos and don'ts, and what to expect when your expecting.

Just be mindful of what you say, be supportive, but also try to see it from our perspective. 


1 comment:

Ashley said...

Totally agree!

Here's one to add: "You just need to have more faith and you'll get pregnant." GRRRR