Feelings...

I'm asking today for prayers, I've been having feelings of resentment and anger and I need Gods help to squish those feelings. I don't want to use my blog for griping or complaining, and this post might seem like I'm doing both but that is not my intention... I'm just writing down my feelings. I feel like people who haven't struggled with fertility issues don't understand how amazing the miracle of life is. I wish that some were more understanding of what we are going through, ask us how it's going, or how we're doing. Chance and I have told most of our close friends and family about the journey we've embarked on and for the most part we are fully supported. I've really developed a great relationship with a friend that has gone through the same process, we've laughed together and cried together and she has been an awesome support since we found out about our infertility and for that I am so grateful. I think what I'm struggling with most is the feeling that some of my friends and family don't seem to care, and I know that's not the case but that's how I feel... I feel like those that already have kids don't understand the heartache and disappointment that we've experienced, I'm sure they understand the desire to have children but they don't understand the rest. The resentment that I'm feeling stems from the fact that most people can have sex once and get pregnant, some people don't have to "try" or even "track" their cycles. Babies are expensive anyway, I've read that it takes $10,000 to $15,000 for baby's first year of life but when you add up the costs of IVF fertility treatments that number doubles. People take for granted the fact that they don't have to have treatments to have a baby and that makes me angry! For those of you reading this that haven't struggled with fertility issues please do me this one favor, think before you speak... Comments like "well of course we got pregnant right away, we prayed for it" or "it will happen, just stop thinking about it" or the worst of them all "maybe your not meant to be a mom"... Comments like that hurt, they cut to the core, they cause your heart to break and a heart can only take so much. But please also ask your friends, if you have friends who are struggling, ask them how they're doing ask them if there is anything you can do. Maybe all they need is to know that you are thinking of them, that you haven't forgotten them and the fact that they are going through something emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually exhausting. Let them know that you're still there, maybe they need to talk, or maybe they need a hug, or maybe they'd like a piece of chocolate! Don't just call them up and pretend nothing is going on, shoot the breeze and act like its just another day. Remember everyday is a constant battle of emotions, and doesn't help that you're on hormones that make you cry for NO reason at all! So pray for me, pray that I can keep my emotions in check, that I can squish the resentment and anger feelings, pray for Chance too we both need it. God bless all of you reading this and thank you. Sorry if this sounded like a gripe-fest it wasn't my intention.

Ashley