This Christmas

Well here we are again... another year coming to a close, this year has been an exciting one to say the least, lets take a look back.

Last Christmas we were still in a state of mourning, we were facing a reality that we may never have children of our own and mourning the loss of our 3 embryos who went home to Jesus in September. It was not the best Christmas that is for sure. With the new year came peace and understanding and a challenge from our pastor, a challenge to pray specifically for God's will in our lives and what we can do to for His kingdom. So we started our year, praying specifically and thanking God for the many blessings we had. We were discussing the possibility of adoption when the "impossible" happened... we were pregnant!! Nothing is impossible with God on your side! February 21st was the day, I'll remember it forever... (read about it here) Everyday I wake up next to this miracle child I still can't believe he's mine, I carried him for almost 9 months and gave birth to him... we serve an awesomely amazing God and I'm reminded of that everyday... everyday when I get to look at this face...

After taking the test in February the rest of the year was kind of a blur, we had the gender reveal party in June, We were completely overwhelmed at how many of our family and friends came out to support us and find out what we were having! July was bible school and August was uneventful. September we had our showers, the last one was September 27th, we were ready now all we needed to do was wait... wait another month for our miracle to arrive, little did we know he was coming sooner than we expected. (birth story)

Now 2014 is coming to an end, I've had 11 glorious weeks with this precious boy and soon I'll have to return to work, I'm not too worried about Sawyer though he'll be in good hands! I can't wait to see what 2015 has in store, Merry Christmas friends and a very Happy New Year!


Love,
Chance, Ashley, & Sawyer

 

Sawyer's birth story

Well all I have to say is... Due date- shmu date! I'm finally getting this typed up, I started it like 2 weeks ago!! On Wednesday October 1st 2014 at 8:30 (ish) in the morning my water broke... At work! Yareli and I went upstairs to get the fall decorations for the bank and I moved an easel which did not weigh much at all, when I set it down I felt a gush... Yup it was my water and it had just broken and was leaking down my leg! Yareli helped me down the stairs and to my office where I called Chance, and he didn't answer... So by this point I all I wanted was to go to the bathroom to make sure that's really what it was. I told Yareli to tell John and Don, she did and when she got back I had just dialed Chances work # and handed the phone to her and went to the bathroom. There was no doubt about it, it was my water! So when I got out of the bathroom she was standing there with my purse and my keys and said "I'll drive you home Chance will meet us there" so off we went home to pack a bag for me and Sawyer... That's right nothing was packed, nothing was washed, the nursery was still a complete disaster from the shower he had the Saturday before, and my house was messy as well! Yareli went to the nursery to pack Sawyer's bag and went to change out of my wet pants and pack our bag. Within 30 min Chance was at the house and we were on the road to the hospital! 

Chance was just a little flustered, we were trying to make phone calls to family and he turned the wrong direction and had to go through town. He hit HWY 21 and floored it, I calmly told him that we did not need to drive that fast as I wasn't  having contractions and I could still feel Sawyer's butt up near my rib cage! He slowed down and when we got to Huntsville we stopped at McDonald's for a biscuit... The entire trip was a blur it went so fast! 

We took this selfie on the way...

We got to the hospital at 10:30, once in the ER I changed into a gown and the nurse checked me. The fluid was for sure amniotic fluid and I was dialated to 3 centimeters and 70% effaced. So they admitted me and she started an IV, since I had my strep test Monday and the results were not back yet I had to have penicillin through the IV and it HURT!! I was put into a room about noon and then given the epidural about 1. After I got my epidural they started pitocin, when they checked me as they started the pitocin I was still a 3 but I was effaced to 80%. The next 6 hours were a blur, visitors in and out, I don't remember what stage I was at which time but I do know I went from a 6 to a 9 in about 15 minutes. I started pushing about 7:25 and at 7:54 my world forever changed. Sawyer Rex Robbins was here. 

The nurse placed him on my chest and he let out a scream then they took him to evaluate him. He was early, 4 weeks early, I was only 35 weeks and 6 days along. They had called in the NICU respiratory team in case his lungs weren't fully developed. He was having difficultly breathing so they took him upstairs, I made Chance go with him because I couldn't. The doctor and the nurses assured me he would be ok, I prayed he would be and finally about 10:00 I was able to get upstairs to see him. This is what I saw... 

To say that I was emotional was an under statement... Seeing your baby hooked up to the monitors, IV, and the c-pap machine made me a blubbering mess! The nurse didn't help by telling me not to touch his arm the way I was. It would be over 12 hours before I could hold my baby but that moment was the BEST feeling ever!!

 

Best moment ever! Here are some pictures from our stay in the NICU. We were there for 6 days and he did so well! He's a strong guy and wanted to go home as much as we did! 

Today Sawyer is 3 weeks old and we've been home for 2 weeks here are some pics from our first 2 weeks! 

Going home! 

As you can see he likes to sleep... A LOT!! Here are some with his eyes open! 

He is staring to hold his head up and is more alert during the day, he sleeps well at night but gets up every 3 hours to nurse. He's a good baby and I love him SO much! Well he's asleep on my chest right now and is starting to wake up! Good night friends!! 

Love Ashley 

One year later... My birthday.

Well this year has been a pretty good birthday, the girls at the bank decorated my office and Kristy made me brownie bites! My mother in law made me a feast of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, and green beans! Followed by a Dairy Queen blizzard cake... Mmm Mmm Mmm!!! I've received numerous calls and texts, and a ton of Facebook well wishes!!

 

But last year was not a happy birthday, one of the worst of my life to be honest. Everything we had prayed for, everything we had done, all the money we had spent… it wasn’t enough. My babies didn’t survive. I never knew that one word could have such an impact, that one word could cause you physical pain, one word… NEGATIVE. It still stings a little just thinking about it. The test was first thing that morning I got there at 8 am went through the admission process and gave them my blood. I think that I already knew in my heart what the result would be, you see the day before I was bleeding and passing clots. I knew that something wasn’t right but I didn’t want to believe it quite yet. I wasn’t ready to accept the fact that the result might me negative… I didn’t want to face that reality, not today, not any day, and not ever. It was 5:30 before we got the results, I remember it like it was yesterday, the email from Sarah started with “I have the results from the lab and I don’t have good news…” I still remember reading that line over and over again, it was blurred from the tears in my eyes tears that wouldn’t stop, and the next sentence was just as devastating “The result was negative.” As we were lying on the bed trying to read Sarah’s words and letting it all sink in, it felt like an eternity. It wasn’t though only about 30 minutes as we text and called our parents and close friends to let them know the news. Then we picked ourselves up, put on our happy faces, and went to my birthday dinner with my dad. Pure devastation was the emotion we were feeling at that moment. There are no other words to describe that feeling. Even though it’s been a year since we got the terrible news the pain is still present, even though we are expecting this miracle child the hurt is still there. I don’t think that it will ever subside, will it hurt less? Yes, I think eventually the pain will get better but it will never fully go away. And to be quite honest I hope it doesn’t, we were supposed to take that journey; we were meant to conceive Sawyer naturally so that our God could show us just how amazing He truly is. Well He’s made His point, we heard Him loud and clear, and we could not be more thankful and grateful that we serve such an Awesome God!

 

So Sawyer I want to say this: As we get ready for the last 6 weeks of this pregnancy I imagine everyday what you will look like, I picture holding you and rocking you to sleep. I envision the future as you grow and the personality you will have, will you be stubborn like your mom and dad or will you be the complete opposite of us? Will you have my eyes and your daddy’s nose, or maybe my lips and daddy’s ears?! Oh precious Sawyer how we long to kiss your sweet face and look into your eyes, not much longer and you’ll be here with us! This weekend we will celebrate you at a shower with our family and friends, and we can’t wait! We love you so much already baby boy keep growing and we will see you soon!

 

Love, Mom and Dad

Fun filled weekend

Well it's only half over but this weekend has been super fun! It started yesterday at work with a shower thrown by my amazing co-workers! Here are some pics... 

Sawyer is so blessed already to have so many people that love him! I am one lucky momma to have so many wonderful friends to do this for us! 

So that was yesterday, and today we took maternity pictures!!! My best friend Meagan came all the way over from Springdale to do photos for us! I cannot wait to see them! We had such a great time together today, it makes me wish she were closer. It is days like this that make me realize how much I truly miss her! She and I and our friend Mandy have been friends for almost 10 years, actually next year will be our 10 year 

friend-aversary. We are planning something fun to celebrate!! I don't have any sneak peeks of the photos yet but as soon as I do I'll devote an entire blog post to them! That's all I've got for now, I think I'll head to bed... It's been an eventful day and this girl is TIRED!! Have a blessed rest of your weekend friends! 

Ashley 

Oh I almost forgot my fellow blogger friend Ashley over at weareexpectingmiricales.blogspot.com surprised me at work with a super cute gift for Sawyer, here is the pic... 

I love it so much and I'm so grateful that God allowed our paths to cross a few years ago, she's truly an amazing woman! Thanks Ashley! 

Ok good night for real! 

My awesome husband!

                      

 

Ok if you don’t want to hear me brag on my husband then stop reading right now… Alright for those of you still with me here it goes. I just want to say that since the day we found out we were pregnant Chance has been amazing. He cooked or got take out during the nausea phase, he cleaned and picked up during the time when I’d fall asleep on the couch at 7:30 (which is beginning to happen again). He listened to me get sick the first 3 months and even though he hated it he understood that I didn’t want to take medication for it.  He grinned through my mood swings, and listened when I cried for no reason over things that didn’t matter. He’s rubbed my feet and legs when they are swollen from the August heat, and even painted my toenails since it had all chipped off and I wasn’t able to get a pedicure right then. He’s put together furniture and taken down walls. He’s built shelves, hung things on the walls, and hung the most difficult curtain rod known to man! He’s shopped with me for things for Sawyer and we did the registry together. I get crazy decorating ideas sometimes and even though he usually can’t picture my vision he lets me go with it and generally likes what I come up with. He’s patient with me and makes sure I have what I need! Even this morning when I woke up at 4:45 with the WORST leg cramp ever, my thigh was cramping... My thigh! Have you ever had a thigh cramp? I don't reccomend them. I woke him up and he rubbed it while I laid in the bed and cried, and apologized the whole time! He’s been the best through this whole experience and I couldn’t have asked for more, Sawyer is one lucky little boy to have such a fantastic daddy. I hope he knows how much I appreciate him, I love you Chance Robbins and I can’t wait to start this next chapter with you! Today we're heading to birthing class, should be a great day!! I'm adding some photos of my amazing man to the end of this post, enjoy!! 

Ashley 

Fun times at VBS! 

Silly Chance! 

My handsome man!!! 

Easter

The day after we found out we were pregnant!! 

One year later, Labor Day weekend

After the appointment Saturday the 31^stwe got our timeline from Sarah, we would report to Little Rock Monday September 2^nd, Labor Day. They don’t take holidays down there, to me that is dedication. We stayed Sunday night in Little Rock because we had to be at the clinic Monday morning at 8:30 am. There was a whole lot of extra praying that went on those 2 days. Monday morning for sure, it was only the second time in my life that I’d been put under anesthesia, the first time was when I had my wisdom teeth out when I was 18, needless to say I was nervous. Everything went well they were able to retrieve 16 eggs and 11 of them were mature enough to be fertilized. Out of the 11 only 3 actually fertilized, 2 divided normally and one did not, it never divided and thus they had to discard it. To this day, and I don’t know if I’ve ever told anyone this before, but I still wonder if we should have transferred all 3… that’s something that I’ll wonder forever. We did the transfer Thursday of that week it was the 5^th. Everything went well and we left Little Rock with 2 growing embryos inside me. It would be a week and a half before we’d have the pregnancy test and we’d know if everything we had been through worked or not.

 

This weekend Chance and I have been taking it easy, we're visiting my memaw and pawpaw, the boys went to the farm and Memaw and I are getting pedicures! That's where I'm blogging from... The pedicure chair!! Tomorrow will be church and the leaders dedication, then Sunday afternoon we'll probably have lunch with Chances parents and Monday we have NO plans! That's just the way I like it! Have a great long weekend friends! 

 

Ashley

One year later, the first shot

This day last year was a roller coaster of emotions, the day started out with me calling the mail order pharmacy used to send us our IVF prescriptions. You see I had gotten an email the night before that my prescriptions had shipped and their ETA was Monday… I was supposed to start the injections that night, so Monday was NOT going to work. So I called the pharmacy and explained the situation the guy on the phone was super nice and helpful and told me that the email was not a mistake that someone had shipped it incorrectly and that it would not arrive until Monday. He then transferred me to the concierge department who started a search to find the medication at a local pharmacy, no luck… then they asked me to contact my clinic and see if they had it… 3 hours away. She explained that there was another option but she was not authorized to do this unless she spoke to a manager… she took my number and called me back. They ended up sending me the prescriptions same day with no charge to me since it was their mistake. In the mean time I had emailed Sarah to let her know what was going on and she began searching for a 2 day supply of the medication, she had some at the clinic in Johnson and we were instructed to drive there and Chance would administer the shot on site. So we did! We drove to Fayetteville and got the meds, went to Walgreens (because I forgot to get alcohol wipes) and Chance shot me in the parking lot! Haha!! It was a little funny! We made it back home started a movie and the full prescription of meds arrived about 11:00. Over the next week I drove to Johnson on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. We found out my body is excellent at making estrogen and that my eggs grow very well when stimulated! After the Saturday appointment we would find out when we’d go to Little Rock for the retrieval... I’ll pick up there next week!

 

As for present time, yesterday Chance and I went to Branson and shopped for the rest of the decor for Sawyer's room, we got curtains, rugs, and baskets! I'll post pictures as soon as the room is complete! 

Have a blessed day friends! 

 

Ashley

One year later...

With everything that is going on in our lives these days; the joy of feeling this life grow inside of me, planning the showers to celebrate him, gearing up for our Wednesday night classes that start in a couple of weeks, and of course cheering on the TOC team at church league softball; I almost forgot the journey we were on this time last year. We were preparing for our IVF cycle. Even now, a year later, I’m still emotional just thinking about the journey that has brought us to this moment. The heartbreaking journey with wounds so fresh and deep even the smallest of bumps can open them back up. We are healing and we are continuing to move forward, it’s not easy but it’s doable. Even with the miracle moving inside me right now there is still, and always will be, a special place in my heart for my angel babies that we never got to meet.

 

So just to keep things in perspective and prevent me from ever taking this miracle pregnancy for granted I decided to share over the next few weeks a memory of the journey that led us here. I’ll start by the post that started it all, last July I posted about our infertility diagnosis and the decision that we had made to start the IVF process. That was a very emotional post, for one I was sharing the intimate details of the diagnosis we’d received and I was doing it publicly, for the entire world to see if they chose to! It was nerve wracking to say the least. After that initial post we went through more testing and waiting and more waiting to start the IVF cycle. This week marks the week we started, August 24^th2013. I’ll wait until then for the next post but I just wanted to say I hope you all follow with me as we journey down memory lane. These memories are heartbreaking but I now know that we were meant to take that journey, not only to make us stronger but make us appreciate what we have and certainly believe even more in the God we serve. Thank you all for the thoughts, prayers, phone calls, and messages over the last year, they mean more to me than you all will ever know.

 

Love,

Ashley

Counting my blessings!

Tonight as I lay here on the couch feeling Sawyer kick and roll around I can't help but to feel full! Full of blessings, full of Gods mercies and grace, and full of baby! We are 27 & 1/2 weeks and we are so excited to meet our miracle baby, only 3 more months! Every time I feel a kick or movement I sill can't believe that I'm pregnant, after being told we'd never conceive naturally and losing our 3 embryos through IVF the day I took the pregnancy test was the most mind blowing day of my life! Our God is truly amazing and ALL things are possible through Him! 

Not much has been going on lately, we finished our registry at target yesterday and learned that Walmart no longer offers in store registries it's all online, kind of irritated me a bit but whatever! Tomorrow we have a doctors appointment and the 3D ultrasound, we're pretty excited to see baby Sawyer's face! I'll post pics sometime later this week! Right now though I'm tired so I'm headed to bed! Good night all! 

Ashley 

"Watch your Tone"

I don’t know how many times in my life I’ve heard this phrase… I don’t know how many times in my life I’ve said this phrase.  One thing I do know is how true it is and how with just the tone of our voices we can lift up our brothers and sisters or we can tear them down… way down.  It may just be my over sensitive hormones and the fact that a commercial on TV or a song on the radio can bring me to tears right now, or perhaps it’s an epiphany from God. A way for him to show me just how powerful my tone of voice can be, I was on the receiving end of quite the lashing a few days ago and I know that the person that lashed out didn’t mean it but it really hit me hard. I spent the next few minutes after they were finished going through my emotions: sad that I’d upset this person, mad that they’d lashed out, then into uncontrollable crying and sobbing and not being able to explain to my husband why I was crying. The crying lasted about 20 minutes as witnesses asked me if I was ok… Just a side note, when you see a pregnant woman trying to fight back tears asking her if she’s ok is just a good way to get those tears to start flowing again! After we got home and I was able to actually talk to Chance about it the tears and why I was crying it all came again, the tears and sobs, don’t ask me why I can’t give you an answer… just that they started and they wouldn’t stop. Eventually they did and I got over it, as much as I could.

 

So now on to my epiphany, is this the way that I make people feel when I get an annoyed tone with them? Have I ever caused someone to cry at the sound of my words or the words that I’ve said? Have they dwelt on what I have said to them for days and wondered what they ever could have done wrong to cause me to treat them in such a way? Lord help me I hope not.  I’m afraid though that I have and that I’ve done it not realizing the extent of what I’d done… with just my words. The Bible talks about ‘Taming the Tongue’ in James chapter 3 verses 1-12:

Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.² We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.³ When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. ⁴ Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. ⁵ Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. ⁶ The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.⁷ All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind,      ⁸ but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.⁹ With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. ¹⁰ Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. ¹¹Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? ¹² My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

No human being can tame the tongue… just let that sink in… we can’t tame our tongues, we can only seek God’s help in making sure that only good things and uplifting words come from our mouths. A salt spring cannot produce fresh water. The saying from my childhood comes to mind, we’ve all heard it and said it before “sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me” this is the furthest from the truth. Broken bones and cuts heal, once the casts and bandages are gone so is the hurt that went with it, you may never forget what was done but the pain eventually is gone. Words cut deeper than any knife and linger longer than any bone can take to heal. Words are never forgotten and can last a lifetime.

I started thinking about all the times that Chance has told me about my “tone”.  I never realized that I was using a tone but to think that I might have shown him disrespect in just a tone of voice makes me wonder how many others have I disrespected with just my tone. Then I got to thinking about Sawyer and when he gets big enough to ask me something and I’m already annoyed at something else and I answer him with annoyance in a sarcastic or condescending tone, will he still want to come to me and ask me things? Will he be afraid to ask me questions for fear that I’ll lash out with annoyance? I pray that I can make a change before my son has to hear that. I pray that I can start thinking of my mood before I speak and potentially ruin someone’s day; I pray that God can help me get a hold of my own tongue and never make someone feel inferior or less of the amazing person that he created just from my words. I know that I definitely need a lot of help in this department, just yesterday when buying fabric for Sawyer’s room the lady at the fabric store was quite rude about me placing a special order and well I am my mother’s daughter and when the lady got snotty so did my mom and then I started to… I ended up sending my mom out to start the car so that all 3 of us didn’t get into a scuffle and by the end the lady had straightened up and I got a discount on the fabric I’d had to order. Not because she was that nice but that’s just how the computer rang it up. As I left I thanked her and told her to have a good day and I actually meant it, I was not just saying it spitefully like I’ve done in the past. It wasn’t the lady’s fault that she was the only cashier and the only other person working in the store was cutting the fabric for all the other customers, they truly did need more help.

So there you have it, my epiphany if you’ll let me have it that way. God is working on me still and if any of you are reading this and have been victim to me and my tone, tongue, or condescending words please accept my deepest apologies. I want to leave you with a song from Hawk Nelson called “Words”, I’ve tried to add the video into this post but it might just be the YouTube link. In the song he says “Words can build us up, words can tear us down, start a fire in our hearts or put it out”… I don’t want to be the one that puts out a fire in someone’s heart; I want to be the one that helps lift them up and keep that fire burning. Have a blessed day friends.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=anVweXDcxhA

Ashley

Leg cramps & Back pain & Mood swings... OH MY!!

So by the title of my post I'm sure you're thinking that I'm about to complain about my pregnancy... Well you're partially correct but mostly I'm just uncovering some ugly truths, so bear with me! First of all, the blessing if being able to carry and grow a child out weighs everything I'm about to say. Second of all, I still can't believe that God chose me to be this baby's mom and for that I thank him everyday! 

Leg cramps... OH MY GOODNESS, I only thought that I had leg cramps before, now that I'm pregnant I know what a real leg cramp feels like, it's like someone has put your calf or shin muscle or foot into a vice and they're just cranking on that thing until all you can do is scream. They come without warning in the middle of the night and you have to jump out of bed like a round bellied ninja to put your foot flat on the floor while trying not to scream out in agony and wake the neighbors! Leg cramps should be a form of torture! 

Back pain... I blame it on my growing mid section, it seems to be worse when I'm on my feet a lot. This weekend we've been cleaning out bedrooms and closets preparing to move our guest bed to a different room because the current guest room will be Sawyer's room. When my back gets to hurting I feel like I waddle, I'm only 21 and a half weeks, I shouldn't be waddling... Yet! I know it's inevitable, I've come to terms with that fact and I'm ok with it, but man I have a bad feeling about the 30+ weeks!! You know the saying weebles wobble but they don't fall down... Well that will be me I'm pretty sure of that, I just hope I don't fall over! 

Mood swings... I'm irritable, I'm cranky, I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm mad, I'm irritable... Oh wait I said that already! Did I mention I'm irritable? Things have NEVER gotten to me as much as they do now. The dogs, people, laundry, dishes, my husband (oh but I do love him so)!! Rude people in the public make me crazy I just want to smack someone! I'm super sensitive of Chance too... If he's in a cranky mood it can make me cry, or make me want to punch him, depending on the day! Most of the time he is fantastic but we all have our moments (mine come more often these days) and I love him to the moon! I yell at the dogs a lot I'm pretty sure Sawyer will come out saying "Max stop" or "Mason no"!! I really need to try to get these emotions in check, it probably won't happen but at least I can say I tried!! 

My cravings haven't been crazy just normal food not like pickles and ice-cream... Pickles are gross!! I've eaten quite a bit of captin crunch, Special K, meat and potatoes, zucchini, and I can't get enough DR Pepper!! The other night right before falling asleep I had a craving for a cupcake but I decided that sleeping was a much better idea, plus I didn't have any cupcakes and I wasn't going to go get one! My little guy moves around a lot when I drink sweet tea and I'm feeling more and more of his movements everyday, I can't wait til Chance can feel him too!

We are so blessed and are cherishing every moment of this pregnancy! I know that there are plenty of women who are struggling to conceive, waiting on adoption placement, or foster placement and please know you are all in my prayers! Just 6 months ago we never imagined that we'd be pregnant much less pregnant naturally. Our God is mighty and he works in His time not ours, He knows the plans he has for us and he will prosper us, not harm us and give us hope and a future! He is amazing and all knowing and we have to trust Him! Thank you for reading and be blessed friends!

Love, Ashley

Baby Robbins is a...

Well today marks 21 weeks and baby Robbins is moving around so much! Last week we found out that baby Robbins is a BOY!! That right Sawyer Rex Robbins is who is growing in my belly! Here's some pics from the ultra sound... 

There he is... He's so adorable! I was beginning to get nervous in the ultrasound because he wasn't showing himself. The appointment was at 2:30 and we had a gender reveal party at 7pm... But he came through or the US tech made him mad enough that he showed us the "goods"!! I'm so glad too because the party was a hit! There were so many of our friends and family there it was awesome! Here are some pictures from the party...

Me and my bestie! 

Me, my momma, & my Memaw!!  

Chance is cookin hot dogs! 

Some of the crowd! 

Our reveal box! 

It's a BOY!! 

The beautiful cake my friend Janetta made! It was delicious! 

Which team were you on!?!? 

That's all I've got for now! Have a blessed night friends! 

Love 

Ashley 

Waiting on Friday...

Friday is the day! Tomorrow we are 20 weeks and half way through this pregnancy, 20 weeks closer to meeting our little miracle baby! And Friday is our 20 week checkup and ultrasound!! To say we're excited is an understatement, we are so ready to know what this baby is so that we can give him or her a name and buy girl or boy things!! But I think I'm most excited for our party Friday night! The gender reveal party, we've got friends and family coming from near and far and I'm so excited to see everyone!! 

So far this pregnancy has been smooth going, a little morning sickness in the beginning but it mostly went away when I got to the 2nd trimester. No crazy food cravings just normal ones, such as pizza, ice cream, fried chicken, and potatoes any kind really, mashed, fried, baked, in the form of hash browns or French fries... Mmm I could eat those all day! Tonight the craving was for hamburger patties and brown gravy over rice! Mmm it was delicious!! 

I've started feeling movement, I first felt flutters about 17 weeks and now they are much more like baby movements, although sometimes I'm sure it's just gas! ;-) haha!! Baby Robbins is growing that's for sure! I'll try to post after the party with pics and everything but for now Here is a photo from yesterday. 

Have a blessed night friends!! 

Reflections

As I lay here in bed thinking about my day and thinking it is way past my bed time... I can't help but think about all the graduates that I saw walk across the stage tonight and receive their diplomas. Essentially accepting the next chapter of their lives; college, the military, jobs... but no matter what they choose to do they are entering adulthood. Gone are the days of high school where things are so "hard" or so "easy", gone are the days where making sure you got to class on time and made a decent grade were your biggest responsibilities. Now begins real life. Life with choices and consequences, don't get me wrong mistakes are to be made and we learn  from mistakes, but we should only make the same mistake once after that it becomes a choice. All the young people I saw graduate tonight have choices to make, whether it be college or a job, either way they have to do something. As I think back to my own graduation, which was 10 years ago, I can't help but to think of the person I was. The shy pudgy girl that was made fun of, who tried to hide behind baggy clothes, who thought that braces would make her prettier, who thought that maybe just maybe that boy that she'd had a crush on since the 6th grade would finally notice and acknowledge her (he never did). I'm proud to say I'm not that girl any longer, I've grown, I've matured, I've grown out of that awkward phase (which I'm convinced lasted my entire childhood until I turned 19). I've come a long way in 10 years and I've made some life long friends, I met my soul mate, my best friend and we are building our life together. I became a better person, a better Christian, and I have my Lord to thank for that. Do I look back wish I could change things? Of course I do, if I had the chance to would I? Probably not, the choices I've made and the mistakes have made me into the person I am today. I'm pretty proud of how far I've come in these 10 years and I hope that 10 years from now I can say the same thing. To all you young people out there who may be reading this, don't ever give up on yourself, you are fearfully and wonderfully made. God made you perfect in His image and you are beautiful just the way you are. Don't conform to the things if this world keep God first and he will take care of you. He answers prayers, I'm living proof (or I should say baby Robbins is) . We serve an amazing Creator and he loves us enough to give His only son to die for our sins. This is an evil world we live in and unfortunately there are people who will try to make you believe otherwise that there is no God but I know the truth, we know the truth, it's in his word. Stay true to yourselves and true to God it's the only way to survive in this world. 

Ok I'm off to bed have a blessed night friends. 

Ashley 

Mothers Day

Today is a day reserved to celebrate mothers. Mothers that are still here, mothers who have gone, mothers who are not yet mothers but will be very soon, and those women who have been like mother to us. Today we celebrated with a delicious lunch with my in laws prepared by my husband, ribs, loaded mashed potatoes, and beans, with cake for dessert! Then we did some yard work and prepped the garden for planting! It was a very productive day and we are both beat!! 

Today I wished all the mothers in my life a very happy day and I even got some well wishes too! I also had some time to think about how the women in my life have shaped who I've become. 

My mom, she's been through a lot and has preservered through it all, she's taught me to be strong and to stand up for myself. She's there for me when I need her and I know she'll be a fantastic grandma! 

Memaw, she's the woman I fear and respect most in this world. When I say fear the fear stems from disappointment, I've never wanted to do anything that might make her or my pawpaw think any less of me. As I've grown older our relationship has changed we've grown closer, she's great at listening and doesn't hold back her opinions, which can drive me crazy at times! But I love her and wouldn't trade her for anyone or anything! 

Martha, my moms twin sister, really it's like I had 2 moms that looked just alike! How many can say that? She's an awesome mom herself and I definitely am a better person because of her! 

Grandma Sallie, she's the nicest most caring woman I know. She finds the good in people and never stops praying for us! 

Denise, she's been in my life for almost 12 years now. We've been trough a lot over the last decade and I'm grateful for her, he makes my dad happy and is a wonderful mother and grandmother. 

And then there's Patty, my stepmom, she left us all much too soon and I miss her all the time. When I was 15 she passed away after a long battle with colon cancer. She never got to see me graduate or get married and she won't be here for the birth of my child. It's still hard but I know she's in a place that's amazing where she's no longer in pain and she can watch over us until the day we see each other again! 

Cindy, she's responsible for shaping Chance into the man he is today. The man I love and my husband. She definitely had her work cut out for her from what I've been told, but to her I'm  forever grateful, she raised a rambunctious little boy into an amazing man. 

Well those are my mom shoutouts all these women has had some sort of impact on my life and have helped to make me the person I am today. I love all of them so much and I'm sothankful for   each and every one of them, I just hope that I can be as amazing a mom as these women. 

Have a blessed Mother's Day friends and if you're able hug your mamas! 

Love 

Ashley 

15 weeks

Today we are 15 weeks and 1 day!! Boy time is flying! Monday is a prenatal visit I'm pretty excited to get to check in on baby Robbins. First trimester symptoms are few and further between, I'm still SO tired and have no energy but I just know that means baby Robbins is growing and using up all my energy! I'm ready for that second trimester energy I've heard so much about! I've also had my share of pregnancy brain moments... Ok ok I'll share just to give you all a laugh... I forgot to leave a tip for the waitress at lunch one day so I went back to the resturant to make sure she got it! I was cooking chicken and using the meat thermometer the chicken wouldn't cook any hotter than 98 degrees... Yes the thermometer was set to Celsius!! I'm sure I've done more silly things but I just can't remember them right now!! 

I've started a regristry so I've been putting all kinds of gender neutral things on it until next month when we find out if baby Robbins is a he or she! We're thinking of having a reveal party, just something small with all of our friends, but fun none the less! 

That's about all I've got for now I'll leave you with a bump pic it was taken at 14 weeks 4 days! Have a blessed night friends thanks for reading! 

Ashley

12 Weeks

Well today marks 12 weeks of this pregnancy, hallelujah I am almost to the 2^nd trimester! My nausea has subsided but my gagging has gotten worse, it’s all worth it though! This week the baby is as big as a lime just over 2 inches long! How exciting!! Also this week the baby is developing reflexes, and is moving around a lot although I can’t feel it yet! I went to the doctor Tuesday and got to hear the heartbeat, if I could attach it to this blog post I would, it’s the most beautiful sound ever!! Not much else has been going on we’ve been busy with Relay coming up and church activities. I got to see my besties on Tuesday after my appointment and we had dinner and a great visit, along with sno-cones!!

 

I also found out about the cruel world of maternity clothes shopping… (Insert dramatic music here)… I just wanted some jeans; mine are getting too tight, is it too much to ask to find a reasonably priced pair of maternity jeans that actually fit like a pair of jeans should? Yes apparently it is too much to ask. I started at Old Navy where the jeans were SO unorganized that I couldn’t find what I was looking for… after digging for 10 minutes I came up with a few different types to try on, the fitting room was another story ALL the jeans were for someone that apparently only has stick legs, well I’m sorry but this girls calves are not “skinny” and my thighs are far from it as well! All those jeans went back on the shelf in the same order in which I found them! I then went to JC Penny and they carry NO maternity clothes, so after that I went to Sears but refused to pay $56 for a pair of ugly jeans. I left the mall a little frustrated and went to Kohl’s were the selection was even more slim I swear 3 racks of shirts, 2 racks of shorts/capris, and one hodge-podge rack of all kinds of… well crap, I think crap is the proper word! At this point I’m feeling pretty hopeless but I had time to kill so I decided to give target a try, why not! Target had jeans, and they weren’t bad looking and they fit pretty well… in the dressing room… I wore them to church last night and they seriously tried to fall off my body! I looked like one of those kids that wear their pants with crotch around their knees, it was BAD!! I’m going to try to wash them and see if it helps, wish me luck! I have a few things that I’ve ordered off of Old Navy’s website but they have the smallest legs of any pants I’ve ever tried on… it’s ridiculous! If any of my followers have any suggestions of reasonably priced maternity clothes please let me in on your secret!

 

Well that’s all for the adventures of Ashley and baby Robbins stay tuned!

 

Ashley

9 week update

Well here we are 9 weeks 5 days... I'm sick and tired and I gag all the time! But praise God I'm going to have a baby! All this sickness just means that baby Robbins is growing and developing, according to all the books and apps I'm on he down hill slope of the sickness which is not just in the morning! I've not had any crazy cravings unless you count zucchini, I've had a lot of adversions though, Mexican food is nasty and most all food sounds gross to me right now. I'm also having sinus issues and the drainage isn't helping my neusea AT ALL! I was able to contact my dr and she recommended some stuff to help, I'm going to wait it out a little longer until I take anything... But the drainage is bad!! Other than that I'm doing great! I'm trying my best to praise Him through it all and not complain... I always said I wouldn't complain if God blessed us with a baby and I'm really trying hard. When people ask me how I'm feeling I smile and say "sick, but that's a good thing!" Thank you all again for your continued prayers and support! God is good and we are living His miracles and blessings. Have a blessed week friends! 

Ashley 

Exciting news!

I’m continually amazed at the greatness of our God. At the beginning of this year our pastor issued us a challenge and that was; to pray specifically, read the entire bible this year, and seek how God will use us for His work. So we started our challenges (I’m really trying with the reading the entire bible one… really I am!) we started praying specifically, we started preparing for our Wednesday night classes better, and did I mention that we prayed specifically? Well we did… Chance’s prayer stemmed from a verse in Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. He prayed that if God would give us the child, however he blessed us… adoption or natural conception or anyway else, that we would raise them to follow Him. My prayer was from the stories of Hannah, Rachel, and Elizabeth. The lord had closed Hannah’s womb but in 1 Samuel 1 starting in verse ten is says ¹⁰ In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly. ¹¹And she made a vow, saying, “LordAlmighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.” the story continues to say that the Lord remembered Hannah and she became pregnant and gave birth to a son, she named him Samuel “Because I asked the Lord for him.” God also remembered Rachel and allowed her to conceive a son, Joseph. Elizabeth and Zechariah were childless because she was not able to conceive and they were both very old. In Luke 1 the angel of the Lord, Gabriel, comes to Zechariah in a vision and foretells the birth of John the Baptist. Since Zechariah didn’t believe the angel he was made mute until the eighth day after the baby was born, here is my favorite part from Luke: ²⁴ After this his wife Elizabeth became pregnant and for five months remained in seclusion. ²⁵ “The Lord has done this for me,” she said. “In these days he has shown his favor and taken away my disgrace among the people.”

 

In biblical times it seems that being barren was a “disgrace” as a woman I sometimes felt less of a woman or a wife even because I could not conceive a child. I don’t know why this is… human nature I guess, it is just one of those things that we think about and dwell on. When Chance and I were diagnosed with infertility in February of 2013 we were devastated, it was one of the hardest things we’ve had to face together. When we decided to try IVF in August of 2013 and failed it was devastating. After the failed IVF I really struggled with envy, here’s a fun dictionary lesson: envy is when you covet what you neighbor has and jealousy is when you’re afraid your neighbor will take what you have, I’ve spent a lot of my life thinking I was jealous and really I was envious… ok enough schooling back to the story. So I found myself REALLY struggling with envy asking God “why can they have a child and we cannot” or “how come they get the blessing of children when they don’t even want a family” struggle seems like a meaningless word in this case… there was an internal battle in my soul and I was fighting every day to hang on and to believe God had a greater plan for us. I know that He makes us stronger because I would have never been able to make it through on my own strength. Then I read a blog that really put me into my place… do you remember the story in John 21, it was an exchange between Peter and Jesus before the crucifixion, when Jesus asked Simon Peter if he loved Him 3 times and each time Peter said yes. He used this passage to tell Peter of the death he would die. When Peter saw the disciple whom Jesus loved Peter asked Jesus “what about him?” and Jesus answered… “What is that to you? You follow me.” WOW… talk about putting me back where I belong… What’s it to me if He chooses to bless her with a baby, I follow Him…. I. Follow. Him. I follow Him. It’s not my place to decide who and when we receive blessings from God that’s His job! **(MIND BLOWN)**

 

I love the song from Laura Story calledBlessings, here are some lyrics:

What if His blessings come through rain drops,

What if His healing comes through tears,

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near?

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

 

I also love the song by Mercy Me You are I am here are some lyrics:

You’re the One who conquers giants

You’re the One who calls out kings 

You shut the mouths of lions

You tell the dead to breathe

You’re the one who walks through fire

You take the orphans had

You are the One Messiah

YOU ARE I AM!

 

That one sends chills down my spine… He is all those things listed, He is that great! After I started to come to the realization that He is greater than we are and He knows what will happen before we do, things started getting better. I no longer felt the pang of envy when I would hear an announcement of pregnancy, I wanted to be around babies again, I wanted to hold them and love on them just because!

 

Then on February 21^st 2014 my period was 5 days late. Wednesday I had spotted some and I remember thanking God for not letting it go on any longer as to get my hopes up, it only lasted a few hours though. I had started a new eating plan a little over a month before and I’d asked my friend if the plan had messed with her cycles, she seemed to remember skipping a month as her body was detoxifying but couldn’t remember for sure. Friday the 21^stwas the annual chili benefit at the Academy of Excellence in Eureka and Chance was making his, now famous, chili. I left work early to go and help him, and from the time I got back from lunch at 12:00 until I left at 3:00 I peed probably 12 times… That’s a LOT! At the cook off I felt queasy and I was starving, I had been “starving” a lot lately and I was just chalking it up to my new eating habits. Well I ate some chili at the event and let me just say that was the best bowl of chili I thought I’d ever eaten… and I’ve had Chance’s chili before and its good and all but not that good… I decided that when I stopped by Walmart on the way home I would get a pregnancy test just to confirm that I wasn’t pregnant and that it was my new eating habits. I got 2 of the .88 cent tests and one box of the 3 pack first response (it had a coupon). My plan was to wait until the morning to take it after Chance had gone to work, but I couldn’t wait, I took one of the .88 cent ones and almost immediately I got 2 lines… WHAT?!?!? I was SHOCKED to say the least, so I took out one of the first response tests and took it and immediately 2 lines!!! By this point I’m trying to find my pants so that I can take these to the living room and show Chance, I had turned the shower on so that he wouldn’t come and see why I was in the bathroom for so long, so I turned off the shower and as I ran into the living room my hands were shaking uncontrollably. I handed him the tests and he said “what is this… what, are you serious?” and all I could say back was “it’s what it says… it’s what is says!!!” And there you have it… I didn’t have some special announcement for him or a cutesy way to tell him but it was perfect to say the least!

 

So here we are, about 8 weeks along, Baby Robbins will arrive sometime in October, we are beyond blessed and thank God daily for our little miracle baby (even though is making me sick)! Below are some pictures for your enjoyment… Thank you all for the continued prayers, God is so good and He amazes me every day with his mercies and grace… He has a plan for our lives but it is in His time not ours. Be Blessed Friends!

 

Love

Ashley

Winner winner Chilli dinner!!!

Positive!!!

6 week ultra sound pic!! 

Our guard dogs!!