Wednesday, January 29, 2014


So I've deleted Facebook from my phone... I'm trying to shake the envious feelings that come from seeing the pregnancy announcements. The bitterness was trying to set in and I was starting to get angrier and angrier. It seemed that every time I would get to a place of happiness and start to move out of my funk here would come another announcement or an ultrasound pic or a pregnancy pic and then BOOM... I'm back down again. 

I just can't keep doing this to myself. We've been praying specifically and seeking what God wants us to do, and I can't let the enemy keep creeping in and destroying the progress I've made. So I took away the problem... For now anyway. Just until I can get to a better place spiritually, a place where the first feeling I have for a person is happiness and not envy or hurt or anger. 

I downloaded Overcomer by Mandesa yesterday... It's a very uplifting song, and congrats to her for winning 2 Grammys she totally deserved it! The words that I love the most are "don't quit, don't give in, you're an overcomer".  I also really love the song by Laura Story called Blessings it's an amazing song that puts things into perspective! I feel like when I sing praise songs I'm closer to God, don't get me wrong I still pray, but I love to sing praises to Him! There have been so many times I've been moved to tears by the words of the songs I sing, "Sing praised to God, sing praises, sing praises to our King, sing praises."  Psalm 47:6

I feel sometimes like a whiner, like that maybe since it's been 4 months I sould be "over it" but it's not that easy. It's hard... It's so hard. It's like there is a piece of me missing, I had a friend describe it like this... In my heart I'm already a mother, God already knows the names of my children he's just making me wait a little while longer to receive our blessing. He has a good reason for making us wait and when it's finally revealed we will feel so silly for doubting Him!! 

Well friends it's late and I just want to thank you all for your continued prayers! 


1 comment:

Ashley said...

After 7+ years, I still have those initial feelings of envy. I don't know that it ever really goes away. You just kind of get to a place where envy and happiness go together, if that makes sense.
Praying for you!