25 years...

So Friday is my 25^th birthday. This week has been a bit emotional for me; I found out Saturday that Pawpaw had an episode with his vein used in his dialysis treatment where it started bleeding. This is really scary because he can bleed to death in a matter of minutes; luckily he was only minutes from the hospital and everything turned out ok and we owe it all to God. It really got me thinking about life, Pawpaw has been through so much… diabetes, heart attacks, and now kidney failure. He just celebrated his 70^th birthday and he has the most amazing outlook on life, he wants to go go go!! He won’t slow down and you can’t make him! Growing up he was my father figure, I only saw my dad every other weekend. I also got to spend time with my little brothers and my stepmom Patty, growing up I didn’t like her I thought she was mean but as I got older I started to respect her more. Unfortunately the summer before I turned 16 she passed away from cancer, I lost an incredible mother figure and friend, my brothers lost their mother, William had just turned 12 and Joshua was 7 almost 8. Ironically that year was my best birthday ever, my dad knew how much I was hurting and he threw me a surprise party at my grandma’s house. He got me a cell phone and the best part was he invited my aunts (Patty’s sisters) and my uncle David and his family was all there and we grilled burgers and had cheese cake (my fave)! It was by far the best birthday ever. I won’t get into the story of the worst birthday I’ve had because I don’t want to call anyone out. Through out the years my dad and I had our ups and downs; right now we are in a down. I don’t understand it really, I know that my dad doesn’t like to talk on the phone and it’s hard to talk to someone that doesn’t like it. It’s hard too since I moved to Berryville, I try to stop by when I have time and I’m in town but sometimes there just isn’t time. I also have to think too why is it all on me to call and visit, am I the only one that wants to see him or talk to him? If the only communication you were able to have with a child was the telephone would you not use it? It’s hard and I’ve gotten to the point that I’m really tired of trying. About 7 years ago I got to this point with my mom, she hit rock bottom, she was never around and during the summer of 2004 she was arrested for possession of drug paraphernalia. Over the next year she struggled with her addiction disease and was accepted into the drug court program. She completed the program along with 12 weeks in rehab; she came to me and apologized for being an absent mother while I was growing up, and for everything she did. I am proud to say that my mom has been clean and sober for 6 years. WAY TO GO MOM!!