I’m continually amazed at the greatness of our God. At the beginning of this year our pastor issued us a challenge and that was; to pray specifically, read the entire bible this year, and seek how God will use us for His work. So we started our challenges (I’m really trying with the reading the entire bible one… really I am!) we started praying specifically, we started preparing for our Wednesday night classes better, and did I mention that we prayed specifically? Well we did… Chance’s prayer stemmed from a verse in Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. He prayed that if God would give us the child, however he blessed us… adoption or natural conception or anyway else, that we would raise them to follow Him. My prayer was from the stories of Hannah, Rachel, and Elizabeth. The lord had closed Hannah’s womb but in 1 Samuel 1 starting in verse ten is says 10 In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly. 11And she made a vow, saying, “LordAlmighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.” the story continues to say that the Lord remembered Hannah and she became pregnant and gave birth to a son, she named him Samuel “Because I asked the Lord for him.” God also remembered Rachel and allowed her to conceive a son, Joseph. Elizabeth and Zechariah were childless because she was not able to conceive and they were both very old. In Luke 1 the angel of the Lord, Gabriel, comes to Zechariah in a vision and foretells the birth of John the Baptist. Since Zechariah didn’t believe the angel he was made mute until the eighth day after the baby was born, here is my favorite part from Luke: 24 After this his wife Elizabeth became pregnant and for five months remained in seclusion. 25 “The Lord has done this for me,” she said. “In these days he has shown his favor and taken away my disgrace among the people.”
In biblical times it seems that being barren was a “disgrace” as a woman I sometimes felt less of a woman or a wife even because I could not conceive a child. I don’t know why this is… human nature I guess, it is just one of those things that we think about and dwell on. When Chance and I were diagnosed with infertility in February of 2013 we were devastated, it was one of the hardest things we’ve had to face together. When we decided to try IVF in August of 2013 and failed it was devastating. After the failed IVF I really struggled with envy, here’s a fun dictionary lesson: envy is when you covet what you neighbor has and jealousy is when you’re afraid your neighbor will take what you have, I’ve spent a lot of my life thinking I was jealous and really I was envious… ok enough schooling back to the story. So I found myself REALLY struggling with envy asking God “why can they have a child and we cannot” or “how come they get the blessing of children when they don’t even want a family” struggle seems like a meaningless word in this case… there was an internal battle in my soul and I was fighting every day to hang on and to believe God had a greater plan for us. I know that He makes us stronger because I would have never been able to make it through on my own strength. Then I read a blog that really put me into my place… do you remember the story in John 21, it was an exchange between Peter and Jesus before the crucifixion, when Jesus asked Simon Peter if he loved Him 3 times and each time Peter said yes. He used this passage to tell Peter of the death he would die. When Peter saw the disciple whom Jesus loved Peter asked Jesus “what about him?” and Jesus answered… “What is that to you? You follow me.” WOW… talk about putting me back where I belong… What’s it to me if He chooses to bless her with a baby, I follow Him…. I. Follow. Him. I follow Him. It’s not my place to decide who and when we receive blessings from God that’s His job! **(MIND BLOWN)**
I love the song from Laura Story calledBlessings, here are some lyrics:
What if His blessings come through rain drops,
What if His healing comes through tears,
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near?
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
I also love the song by Mercy Me You are I am here are some lyrics:
You’re the One who conquers giants
You’re the One who calls out kings
You shut the mouths of lions
You tell the dead to breathe
You’re the one who walks through fire
You take the orphans had
You are the One Messiah
YOU ARE I AM!
That one sends chills down my spine… He is all those things listed, He is that great! After I started to come to the realization that He is greater than we are and He knows what will happen before we do, things started getting better. I no longer felt the pang of envy when I would hear an announcement of pregnancy, I wanted to be around babies again, I wanted to hold them and love on them just because!
Then on February 21st 2014 my period was 5 days late. Wednesday I had spotted some and I remember thanking God for not letting it go on any longer as to get my hopes up, it only lasted a few hours though. I had started a new eating plan a little over a month before and I’d asked my friend if the plan had messed with her cycles, she seemed to remember skipping a month as her body was detoxifying but couldn’t remember for sure. Friday the 21stwas the annual chili benefit at the Academy of Excellence in Eureka and Chance was making his, now famous, chili. I left work early to go and help him, and from the time I got back from lunch at 12:00 until I left at 3:00 I peed probably 12 times… That’s a LOT! At the cook off I felt queasy and I was starving, I had been “starving” a lot lately and I was just chalking it up to my new eating habits. Well I ate some chili at the event and let me just say that was the best bowl of chili I thought I’d ever eaten… and I’ve had Chance’s chili before and its good and all but not that good… I decided that when I stopped by Walmart on the way home I would get a pregnancy test just to confirm that I wasn’t pregnant and that it was my new eating habits. I got 2 of the .88 cent tests and one box of the 3 pack first response (it had a coupon). My plan was to wait until the morning to take it after Chance had gone to work, but I couldn’t wait, I took one of the .88 cent ones and almost immediately I got 2 lines… WHAT?!?!? I was SHOCKED to say the least, so I took out one of the first response tests and took it and immediately 2 lines!!! By this point I’m trying to find my pants so that I can take these to the living room and show Chance, I had turned the shower on so that he wouldn’t come and see why I was in the bathroom for so long, so I turned off the shower and as I ran into the living room my hands were shaking uncontrollably. I handed him the tests and he said “what is this… what, are you serious?” and all I could say back was “it’s what it says… it’s what is says!!!” And there you have it… I didn’t have some special announcement for him or a cutesy way to tell him but it was perfect to say the least!
So here we are, about 8 weeks along, Baby Robbins will arrive sometime in October, we are beyond blessed and thank God daily for our little miracle baby (even though is making me sick)! Below are some pictures for your enjoyment… Thank you all for the continued prayers, God is so good and He amazes me every day with his mercies and grace… He has a plan for our lives but it is in His time not ours. Be Blessed Friends!
Love
Ashley
