Cleaning House...

Facebook is a great place to keep in touch with old friends or family in another state but for me it’s become a place to know what other people are up to… and they make it soooo easy to know everything that’s going on in their lives. Here is my complaint; I am friends with people that I knew in the past, people that were not nice (only to preserve feelings). When Chance and I decided to start dating we immediately hit it off, by the 3^rd date I knew that there could be something real and lasting between us.  I was attending a church that I had been introduced to through my family when I was 16, so for 6 years those people were my friends. We laughed together, cried together, we traveled together, they helped me through some really tough times and I did the same. So when I met the man that I now call my husband I was so happy, God had finally answered my prayers and sent me the most wonderful man, from our first date we had a connection. We talked about what we both wanted out of life and surprisingly it was the same. We dated for 6 months and he asked me to marry him so naturally I said yes! By this point Chance and I knew that after we were married we would move to Berryville where he was from to help out his parents. So when I told my “friends” from my “church family” I was not met with the reaction I was expecting, I ended up leaving the church 2 days after we were engaged and I have not been back. After that I wasn’t sure that I wanted to get involved in church like that again, I thought that if the people I had known and had been friends with for the past 5 years completely abandoned me during the happiest time of my life thus far what was the point in trying to do that all over again… I was just glad to have the friends that really cared for me and were my friends no matter what and stood by my decision, of course they weren’t happy I was moving but they were happy I was happy. They were the ones that stood by me when I said “I do” (some were watching from the pew) but they were there!! I also found a new church family; Chance introduced me to an amazing group of people and an awesome church. We have become involved in the ministry and we wouldn’t trade it. We always said the move here to Berryville would be temporary but I honestly don’t think we will move back to Fayetteville, we have found an amazing church and we don’t ever see ourselves leaving, I’m sure we will raise our children here. We both have grown closer to God and our relationship with him just gets better. So now it brings me to the reason for my Facebook comment from earlier, every time I log on and see posts form certain people excited about getting engaged, or getting married or having a baby, and they get to be excited and those people are sharing in their excitement, I feel anger and resentment. How is it fair that they get to be happy for these joyous occasions but they are the ones who stole my joy… they stole my happiness… I was crushed by people I trusted. They never spoke to me again and it really hurts. But it’s time to move on, I can’t keep holding onto this resentment and anger I must let it go. So I am cleaning house, my Facebook will be place to check on the people that mean the most to me not people who treated me badly and judged me harshly. Chance and I will be married 2 years on December 5^th and I just want to say how amazing being married is, it truly is something that God has given us. We are so blessed to have each other and I can’t imagine my life with out him, I am so glad I answered that Facebook message 3 years ago from a man who I had met a few times at work and knew really nothing about, but I took a “chance” (hehe) and I found my soul mate. I encourage you to “clean house” if there are things in your life that are causing you grief or pain, or causing you to feel angry or resentful get rid of it. Pray about it and God will help you get over it.

Ashley

25 years...

So Friday is my 25^th birthday. This week has been a bit emotional for me; I found out Saturday that Pawpaw had an episode with his vein used in his dialysis treatment where it started bleeding. This is really scary because he can bleed to death in a matter of minutes; luckily he was only minutes from the hospital and everything turned out ok and we owe it all to God. It really got me thinking about life, Pawpaw has been through so much… diabetes, heart attacks, and now kidney failure. He just celebrated his 70^th birthday and he has the most amazing outlook on life, he wants to go go go!! He won’t slow down and you can’t make him! Growing up he was my father figure, I only saw my dad every other weekend. I also got to spend time with my little brothers and my stepmom Patty, growing up I didn’t like her I thought she was mean but as I got older I started to respect her more. Unfortunately the summer before I turned 16 she passed away from cancer, I lost an incredible mother figure and friend, my brothers lost their mother, William had just turned 12 and Joshua was 7 almost 8. Ironically that year was my best birthday ever, my dad knew how much I was hurting and he threw me a surprise party at my grandma’s house. He got me a cell phone and the best part was he invited my aunts (Patty’s sisters) and my uncle David and his family was all there and we grilled burgers and had cheese cake (my fave)! It was by far the best birthday ever. I won’t get into the story of the worst birthday I’ve had because I don’t want to call anyone out. Through out the years my dad and I had our ups and downs; right now we are in a down. I don’t understand it really, I know that my dad doesn’t like to talk on the phone and it’s hard to talk to someone that doesn’t like it. It’s hard too since I moved to Berryville, I try to stop by when I have time and I’m in town but sometimes there just isn’t time. I also have to think too why is it all on me to call and visit, am I the only one that wants to see him or talk to him? If the only communication you were able to have with a child was the telephone would you not use it? It’s hard and I’ve gotten to the point that I’m really tired of trying. About 7 years ago I got to this point with my mom, she hit rock bottom, she was never around and during the summer of 2004 she was arrested for possession of drug paraphernalia. Over the next year she struggled with her addiction disease and was accepted into the drug court program. She completed the program along with 12 weeks in rehab; she came to me and apologized for being an absent mother while I was growing up, and for everything she did. I am proud to say that my mom has been clean and sober for 6 years. WAY TO GO MOM!!

Inspiration

So my friend Meagan inspired me to post about the dreams I’ve had… My dreams are not pregnancy dreams but here it goes anyway:

When I come to town (Fayetteville) Meagan, Mandy and I usually try to get together for dinner, one of our favorite places to go is a Chinese buffet in Fayetteville that had the BEST soft serve ice cream I have EVER had, this is where my first dream picks up…

Mandy, Meagan, and I along with our husbands were at the restaurant, and we were eating having a great time when I decided it was time for Ice cream. I go up to the counter to get ice cream and find out they are now charging $1.79 per cone, and there is a concrete barricade blocking the customers from getting to it … I return to the table with the news and everyone springs into action, Chris and Chance are using chairs to ram the barricade, Meagan is yelling at the top of her lungs what an “outrage this is” I am yelling “Charge” to Chance and Chris, and Daniel is consoling a pregnant Mandy because now she is crying uncontrollably. And then I woke up!

I called the girls the next day and we all had a great laugh!!

I have had another dream that involves Meagan and Mandy saying “Burn” and “Oh Snap” to a comment I made but to protect the guilty I will not share that dream, for those that have heard the story you can now laugh out loud! J

A different inspiration story…

My other friend Megan (different spelling) she has lost a lot of weight and has worked so hard to achieve, maintain and continue her weight loss. She is my inspiration and is now helping me on my weight loss journey since I have gained back all of my pre weight watcher/wedding weight… what is the saying fat and happy? Well I guess Chance and I are the happiest people ever because since getting married I have packed on the pounds! But I am actively watching what I eat and limiting my portions, I’m even getting back into an exercise routine!! Megan is my inspiration and my helper (from an hour away)!! Thanks Megan… I appreciate you!

Good night from Berryville…

Ashley

A collection of thoughts

I don’t think I will ever learn… I put trust in people and they end up stabbing me in the back. I was recently told by someone that they thought that I didn’t like them; I don’t understand this comment because I try to be nice to everyone. I was always taught that if I didn’t have anything nice to say that I shouldn’t say anything at all… I try to practice this everyday and maybe some people take it as me being a witch but that is simply not the case. There are a few people that I admit I will not acknowledge if I meet them in the street, it may not be the Christian thing to do but I am constantly praying and asking God for guidance in those situations.

Tonight as I sit here surfing on Facebook I noticed a post by what used to be a very dear friend… She’s getting married Saturday and I am so happy for her. She was in my wedding and I have known her since I was 5, will I be at her wedding you ask? No I won’t be… you see I didn’t get an invitation. Why? I don’t know the reasoning really but after my wedding she stopped talking to me, I guess the phone and email works both ways but I feel I tried, maybe not fully to the best of my ability but I did try. I miss her dearly and wish her the most happiness in the world and I just hope that someday we can get our friendship back. I know she will make a beautiful bride and I can’t wait to see the pictures.

Sometimes I wonder how people can be malicious and mean to people they have never met, not that it is justified but is it easier to be mean to people you don’t know? I ask you this how do you act malicious and horribly mean to your family? People do it everyday… there are families everywhere that never speak or are mad at each other and wont admit they are wrong. Pride is such a heavy word and I feel sorry for those carrying it around.

Food For Thought...

This is an older story that I've told before but it is such a good one it derserves to be re-told!! Enjoy!

I decided for our Sugar Bowl watch party that I would order a “Big Sandwich” from Wal-Mart which is nothing new to me because I used to order them all the time (for work)! I decided that a 6 foot would be too much for the 6 adults and 4 children (2 that eat big people food) coming to our watch party, so I just ordered a 4 foot sub. I wanted it pre sliced and I wanted the condiments on the side. So Tuesday I went to pick it up, I walk up to the counter and ask for my sandwich, the gentleman asks me “Do you have a cart?” I was a bit confused by the question because I don’t know why you wouldn’t get a cart to pick up a “Big Sandwich” but I answered “Yes”. “Ok good” he says “you’re gonna need it, let me go get your condiments”. He comes back with 3 large deli containers 1 full of onions, 2 full of tomatoes, and 2 bags of whole head romaine lettuce. Now I am a little more confused because normally they are on a tray all nicely arranged… Not so much at Berryville Wal-Mart. So then he says “you will have to follow me to the other cooler to get the sandwich”. I’m thinking, man they do things different here in Berryville! So I follow him to the large doors between the lunch meat and cheese coolers, I wait outside the open doors and he disappears in there, after about 5 min I see him appear from around the corner with the biggest sandwich I have ever seen in my entire life. It is all of 8 feet and I am not exaggerating. So I look at him and I look at this GIANT sandwich and I say “that is not what I ordered” and he replies “yes it is you ordered a 4 foot sub, see 1-2-3-4” (as he counts the actual sandwiches) and I reply “No that’s 2-4-6-8” (as I count the actual sandwiches) and he looks at them and he says “Oh you’re right”. So here I am standing in the Deli of Wal-Mart with an 8ft sandwich. Not two 4 foot sandwiches, not a 6 foot and a 2 foot, but an ACTUAL 8 foot sandwich. The things that are going through my mind are: Will they charge me for two 4ft sandwiches? How the heck am I going to get this to the check out? And how the heck am I going to get this into my car? I end up calling Chance back there to help me because at this point I have no idea what to do.  Chance gets back there and of course he knows the guy (he knows every person in this town) and they decide that we are going to take the cardboard pieces apart and make two 4 foot sections, and we are only getting charged the $20 for one 4ft sub. We made it to check out and it fit nicely in my car! We did however send some sandwich home with our guests.

I am adding this to the list of Crazy things that have happened to me since moving here one year ago, I can’t wait to see what the future holds!

A little extra food for thought, I wonder what I would have gotten had I ordered a 6 foot sandwich?